Monday, December 22, 2008

16 Random Things About Me

1. My first crush was Chad Allen. I also loved Corey Haim and Paul Moliter of the Milwaukee Brewers.

2. I've been arrested for shoplifting and sort of detained by the police for B&E. (Wow, as an adult that sounds just horrible. I can not believe I lived a life of crime.)

3. At my college the thing to do when turning 21 was to do 21 shots. I did them. I also puked so hard it may have damaged my brain. The very next day was my Dad's surprise 50th birthday party and the "Shot Tally" marks up and down my arms in permanent marker had not come off. My mother had a small stroke and insisted I wear a sweater. I got drunk and showed everyone anyway. There were a few doctors there who were amazed I didn't die and appalled when I told them we all did this. In retrospect, those medical professionals weren't so dumb...

4. I still know most of the words to Lost In Your Eyes and Electric Youth from Debbie Gibson's Electric Youth album.

5. I love romance novels. Half naked English Lord circa 1850ish? I'm in.

6. I had a boyfriend in high school that I had no idea how to break up with, but I told all my younger sisters that I was going to do it. One night he came over and I was working up to ending things when my sister Molly yelled out the window, "I thought you broke up with him". Not exactly smooth, but it did the job.

7. I once ate a pot brownie in college having no idea that I would be high for like 24 hours after. I had to finish a summer session music class the next morning by presenting a term paper on Woodstock (no joke). Then I had to go into work. Luckily my job consisted of sitting at the Information Desk and occasionally answering the phone.

8. I'm the oldest of 10 kids.

9. I go tanning. I do it because sometimes I get a little depressed and need to feel warm. I don't do it to get tan and I don't look like Donatella Versace, but that's no excuse for possibly jeopardizing my health. I'm a total hypocrite because I tell everyone it's evil and not to be done, but... it makes me feel good.

10. I totally believe that there is a Demon who haunts back roads and highways. He attacks cars in the dark. Has a car behind you ever just kinda disappeared? The Demon got them. Some advice, it's better to be the lead car, unless you're smaller.

11. I love cooking and my dream is to go to The Culinary Institute of America or Le Cordon Blue in Paris.

12. I worked in the bakery at the Kohl's grocery store. I hated everything about it, especially the way it cramped my high school social life. Unbeknownst to my parents I quit. My dad was PISSED. He went to the store manager to get my job back, but couldn't because they had already hired someone else. He did get them to hire me back as a checker. That was not the end of my dad's meddling ways in the Employment Department.

13. The smell of ketchup makes me want to barf.

14. Speaking of barf, in grade school I was going to be Frosty the Snowman in our Christmas pageant. This was to be my debut as an Entertainer! I would be famous thereafter. Alas, the night before I got the flu. Puke everywhere. No amount of tears would convince my parents that I could go on with the show. A dream died that day.

15. This one is disgusting. I had a boyfriend in high school who went to the big public school in town. At his after-prom party they had those Sumo Wrestler costumes, the big inflatable ones. I laughed so hard in that costume that I wet my pants. No amount of Lysol sprayed in that thing could have eliminated the disgusting. I'm laughing at my shame.

16. My "Porn Star" name is either Sadie Taylor or Squeaky Fairview... I answer to both.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

I Used to Love Winter

I used to love winter. I love being cold and snuggling up with feather blankets, wearing down vests and cute sweaters, hot chocolate, wood fires and my birthday is in December, so what's not to love about winter?

Bring on the babies and winter now involves at least 20 minutes of dressing kids. Seriously, that's not even to go out and play in the snow, that's just to casually leave the house. Jackets, gloves, hats, boots.... they hate wearing all of that and now that my 2 year old has figured out how to unzip, I have to put his jacket on him at least twice before leaving the house. Not to mention that, without fail, he will strip his boots and socks off as soon as we get into the van. So I have to freeze my butt off redressing him. Every. Single. Time. And seriously, have you ever tried to get booted feet out of the little holes in the shopping cart seat? I have to put my purse down to wrench his little legs out while twisting his body... he cries every time and people always look at me like I'm abusing my child. So, yeah, I hate winter. What a pain in the ass.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

My Potty Mouth...

Makes the baby Jesus cry.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Baby Powder & Apple Juice

So, newsflash, I'm the worst mom ever. I mean, I don't, like, neglect them, but... sometimes I need to sleep. And sometimes I can get away with a little extra time in bed in the morning if I supply granola bars and the Disney Channel.

(Holy Shit! Cool Runnings is on! See... this, right here? This is why I can't get my butt out of bed in the morning... Damn you TBS.)

Anyway, the other morning, they were content to play in the 2 year old's room while I lay in bed all warm and dreamy, when Champ comes flying in.

"Mom! Bear's playing with the baby powder!"

I got out of bed so fast that I got dizzy. Bear's entire room was covered in powder. I rounded the beasts up, supplied food and apple juice, turned on the TV and went up to clean up the mess. I'm vacuuming when I hear a strange noise, but I'm not the mom who breaks up fights, so I kinda ignore it until I hear a very distinct "Uh-oh". God, what now??

I go downstairs to find that Bear has climbed onto the kitchen counter, knocked a gallon of apple juice off the counter, picked up the container and dumped what was left of it onto an arm chair...

Good God, how is it that everything can spiral out of control so quickly? (And why am I surprised by this?)

Obviously, I'm LIVID that I've cleaned and mopped before I was even dressed, but how do you even punish a 2 year old for this? Seriously, they know that this is bad, but does a time out even cover it? Really?

So yeah, I kinda let it go. It was too early to even think about the naughty corner and, God help me, I needed to put on a bra. (What the fuck, is it to much to ask that the trouble start after I'm decently attired?!)

So yeah, I'm a terrible mother because the very next day what did I do? Turned on the TV, put the juice back in the fridge and got back into bed.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Bragging Rights

So... I don't want to be that Mommy, you know the one who's child is magnificent and gifted and can do everything better than yours, buuuutttt... My 2 year old said "Douche Bag" today! I know! He's sooo smart.

I mean it's not the alphabet or counting (which he actually can do, a little), but I think "Douche Bag" is a little advanced for a toddler. It's no "stupid-head" or "butt-face", "Douche Bag" is an adult level insult. Listen to all the cool kids. It's what everyone is saying.

So my little guy may not be reading or pissing glitter, but he can cuss your kid out!

(Ha! I win!)

Saturday, November 15, 2008


"Mom, you forgot your strap on."

-Champ to me as I was trying something on in a changing room. That was the last time he'll ever see me disrobe.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I'm Tired

I'm tired of talking and asking and shouting and yelling and not having a single person hear me. I'm a person, this isn't in my head, I'm talking, but why aren't you hearing me? Why do I need to ask over and over and over? Why do I have to yell? Why does it have to get to a place where I am so overcome with frustration that I want to cry? Is it so hard to just hear me and do what I ask? I'm a person, listen to me and validate that I'm actually here.

I'm so tired of not getting any help. Every time I turn around another mess is made. I can spend 20 minutes cleaning one area to find another area completely trashed. All I do, all day long, is pick things up, put things away. Does anyone even acknowledge that I've done anything? I'm a person, I'm here and I'm the one that keeps this place looking decent. I'm the one making your meals, cleaning your clothing, taking you places, buying you the things you need. It's not just "what I do" it's what I care about, but that doesn't make it easy. Just thank me. Or help me. Please, I'm a person and these are real things.

I'm so tired of no one taking care of me. I have needs too. Physical needs, emotional needs. Everyone needs someone to take care of something, and I'm feeling like all I do is give... till every little bit of myself is going to be gone.

I'm so tired of people who are emotional parasites. Taking too much, not understanding or caring about anyone else. Leaving you waiting. Monopolizing your time. Not truly considering you, just out to achieve their satisfaction. People who take everything from you, from gifts to a stick of gum and never, ever offering anything in return. People who don't see you as a person, don't listen, don't help, don't care.

I'm just tired of it.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Book Review

"The Lost Memoirs of Jane Austen" by Syrie James

From Many rumors abound about a mysterious gentleman said to be the love of Jane's life—finally, the truth may have been found. . . .

What if, hidden in an old attic chest, Jane Austen's memoirs were discovered after hundreds of years? What if those pages revealed the untold story of a life-changing love affair? That's the premise behind this spellbinding novel, which delves into the secrets of Jane Austen's life, giving us untold insights into her mind and heart.

Jane Austen has given up her writing when, on a fateful trip to Lyme, she meets the well-read and charming Mr. Ashford, a man who is her equal in intellect and temperament. Inspired by the people and places around her, and encouraged by his faith in her, Jane begins revising Sense and Sensibility, a book she began years earlier, hoping to be published at last.

Deft and witty, written in a style that echoes Austen's own, this unforgettable novel offers a delightfully possible scenario for the inspiration behind this beloved author's romantic tales. It's a remarkable book, irresistible to anyone who loves Jane Austen—and to anyone who loves a great story.

The plot of James' novel is a dazzling combination of Sense & Sensibility and Pride & Prejudice. James' novel is not only rife with allusions to Austen's work, but it suggests to the reader that her works were based on her life experiences. Falling in love at first sight with Mr. Ashford, and being thwarted by fate is the basis of Austen's novel Sense & Sensibility. This novel also has many of the characters and distinguishing landmarks of Pride & Prejudice. James further sets the stage for Austen's other works, referencing the matchmaking in Emma and the popularity of novels in Northanger Abbey. James nimbly captures the very essence of Austen's writing and breadth of her works, and flawlessly makes it her own.

Jane Austen veraciously studied people, realizing that the smallest details bring a character to life. This humanity and passion is what makes each of Austen's characters so special. James accomplished this very thing with the characterization of Austen. She is portrayed as thoughtful, passionate, intelligent and romantic. Everything that a fan would desire her to be. Giving, but not selfless. Saucy, but not derisive. Austen herself becomes the quintessential romantic heroine.

James also achieves much through the setting of this work. A Jane Austen fan will recognize the description of Chawton Cottage as being similar to the Dashwood's cottage in Sense & Sensibility. Many of Austen's travels echo those of Elizabeth's in Pride & Prejudice. James has clearly done her homework, making the reader acutely aware of the early 1800's lifestyle, manner and language.

I have always been a fan of Jane Austen. I have set of her works in hardcover that are treasured. Pride & Prejudice is my favorite, I've read it many times. I don't know a woman who isn't in love with everything that Mr. Darcy & Elizabeth represent. The latest movie adaption of Pride & Prejudice is outstanding, and one that I could watch over and over. This book, The Lost Memoirs of Jane Austen, is almost akin to introducing one to Jane herself. The author achieves her purpose in these Memoirs, so well, in fact, that I'm still a little shocked that it's not real, and that Austen didn't write this herself.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Best TV Line EVER

"If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for."

Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl "Chuck in Real Life" (10.20.08)

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Holy Hottie!!

I just bought Men's Health magazine because Gerard Butler is on the cover. I think that man is smoking hot. I would do things to him that make me blush just thinking about them... *pant*

Okay, focus! What the hell?? Am I 13?? What kind of 30 year old woman buys Men's Health because of a movie star?! Am I that woman? Oh my god, I am.

Hmmm... okay, look at him. Yummy. I'm okay with being that woman if it means looking at him. Yow-za!!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Good Ideas

I think I'm going to institute Naked Weekends. Maybe that'll help get me out from under this mountain of laundry. Plus, it sounds kinda awesome.

Monday, October 13, 2008


I've added a playlist (below) for your listening pleasure. Yes, I know, I'm too kind. You're welcome.

Music is one of my favorite things in life. It means a great deal to me. Music invokes so many memories and feelings. I love hearing a song that I haven't heard in a long time. A song like Natalie Merchant's "Cowboy Romance" makes me think of a high school trip I took to Montana that involved merry-go-rounds and a distant thunderstorms. Not something I think of often, but her voice brings it all back in the blink of an eye. Dave Matthew's Band reminds me of college and Santana... oh Santana! His "Supernatural" album makes me think of being in love. And the song "Put Your Lights On" by Santana & Everlast is one that makes me want to do unspeakable things to a man...

Music is important in my life because I was surrounded by it growing up. My father loved classical music, and whether we liked or not, it's what we listened to every car ride. My mom was into the classic doo-whop oldies, Nat King Cole & The Righteous Brothers. Riding in the van with her was a lot more fun, and one song that will always remind me of driving up our old street while my mom swerved the van through puddles is "Down in the Boondocks".

Isn't it wonderful when a movie is set to awesome music? Some of my favorite soundtracks are from Love Actually, The Cutting Edge and City of Angels. A lot of TV shows now are known for their music, like Grey's Anatomy. I would love that to be my job...

So please enjoy the music I have provided below. Chances are the song you're listening to is one that, in some small way, touches my heart.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Chinese Zodiac - Snake


Occupying the 6th position in the Chinese Zodiac, the Snake symbolizes such character traits as intelligence, gracefulness and materialism. When it comes to decision-making, Snakes are extremely analytical and as a result, they don’t jump into situations. They are effective at getting the things they want, even if it means they have to scheme and plot along the way.

Snakes are very materialistic creatures, preferring to surround themselves with the finest that life has to offer. This is especially evident in the home, where luxurious furnishings and surroundings help Snakes seek the peace they need in order to thrive.


Snakes prefer living a life of calmness, preferring quietness over noise and a manageable workload rather than a schedule that’s overly-booked. Snakes become easily stressed when their lives aren’t peaceful or in order. Too much of this way of life can shorten a snake’s life.


Snakes do work very hard, but they have a tendency to be job-hoppers as they become easily bored. Their somewhat laid-back attitude causes them to be mistakenly categorized as slackers, but nothing could be further from the truth! Snakes are very creative and extremely diligent. They’re excellent problem-solvers and thrive under tight deadlines. Good career choices for Snakes include: scientist, analyst, investigator, painter, potter, jeweler, astrologer, magician, dietician, and sociologist.


Snakes are excellent seducers so they never have trouble attracting others. However, they’ll be the ones to decide when a relationship has potential and when it does not. Once they’ve chosen a partner, a Snake’s insecure side will begin to show through. Snakes guards their chosen partners much like a prized possessions, becoming jealous and even obsessive. Snakes prefer to keep their feelings to themselves. It’s important to never betray a Snake’s trust as a betrayed snake will make it a goal to get even some day!

Snakes & the 5 Elements

Fire Snake - Years 1917 and 1977

Fire Snakes are more extroverted, forever offering opinions and telling others what’s on their minds. Even so, others enjoy listening to Fire Snakes. They’re very persuasive and are especially good at convincing others that their ways are best.


The Snake is compatible with a Rooster and an Ox and incompatible with a Pig and a Monkey.

Book Review

"Mr. Cavendish, I Presume" by Julia Quinn

From the back cover: "Amelia Willoughby has been engaged to the Duke of Wyndham for as long as she can remember. Literally. A mere six months old when the contracts were signed, she has spent the rest of her life waiting. And waiting. And waiting . . . for Thomas Cavendish, the oh-so-lofty duke, to finally get around to marrying her. But as she watches him from afar, she has a sneaking suspicion that he never thinks about her at all . . .

It's true. He doesn't. Thomas rather likes having a fiancée—all the better to keep the husband-hunters at bay—and he does intend to marry her . . . eventually. But just when he begins to realize that his bride might be something more than convenient, Thomas's world is rocked by the arrival of his long-lost cousin, who may or may not be the true Duke of Wyndham. And if Thomas is not the duke, then he's not engaged to Amelia. Which is the cruelest joke of all, because this arrogant and illustrious duke has made the mistake of falling in love . . . with his own fiancée!"

This is the second of two novels featuring the Two Dukes of Wyndham. The first was clever, passionate, funny, and charming, and I was really looking forward to this follow-up. Unfortunately, I did not enjoy reading "the other side of the story". I had been hoping for a novel about what happens to Thomas and Amelia AFTER Thomas loses his title, but instead got a recycled book that followed the same story line as the first, complete with identical dialog. Because of this "re-telling" it lacked the excitement and charm of the first.

Amelia was a wonderfully thought out heroine, who deserved her own book. She was smart and a bit wicked, but she played off of Thomas, who was stiff and dull, and who's sense of duty seemingly squashed all the life out of him. Quinn's characters typically are consumed with passion for one another, but these two were stifled in that aspect. There was little romance between them. It wasn't until the 80 or so pages that these two really came together and it just felt like too little, too late.

All in all, a romantic story, but one that could easily have been included in her first book, "The Lost Duke of Wyndham".

Friday, October 03, 2008

Just a Few of My Favorite Things

Just a Few of My Favorite Things*

Fireflies... I kinda miss them. We used to have a house that was backed by some state owned land. Our bedroom had a sliding glass door and we'd lay in bed and watch them. Now when I see them I'm a little sad for that life we had... Fireflies always make me a little nostalgic and wistful, but in a good way, and that's why I love them.

Van Morrison "At the Movies Soundtrack" is the album I can't stop listening to right now. It features lots of his greatest hits performed live, and a cover of "Comfortably Numb" with Roger Waters of Pink Floyd. OMG, wow! It's vocal perfection. I could drown myself in a bottle of wine listening to it over and over and over...

Boy Scouts... they sell the BEST cheese popcorn. Wait, what were you thinking? Pervert.

My Mercedes... yeah, I don't own it yet, but I will and it will be my FAVORITE thing.

Hosiery... Tights, leggings, fishnets, thigh highs, sexy black hose with that hot little line that runs up the back of the leg... yow-za! Sometimes I wish I were a call girl so I'd have an excuse to wear shit like that everyday.

I love having a pot of chili on the stove and just eating it all day. Cold weather can't come soon enough for me. As soon as the temperature dips into the 60's I'm making chili.

Tori Spelling & Dean McDermott. LOVE THEM! I want to be her best friend. Seriously, I think she would love me. She is so funny, and so real. My god, she grew up in a house with a gift wrapping room, and she is so normal. I think I'm going to invite her to Sundara with me. Would that be weird? And Dean is yummy.

I love smell of a just lit cigarette. I know, second hand smoke, blah blah blah. I'm disgusting, but I just love the smell. It reminds me of my Dad. Sometimes I you can catch a whiff of that smell when someone tosses a butt out of their car and it comes in through your car... Hmmm... I love it.

And, finally, is absolute perfection! I wish I were as cool as Heather & Jessica... they were on Gossip Girl. It doesn't get better than that!

I'll share more another time.. I need to focus on finishing this bottle of wine.

*That's from The Sound of Music, not Oprah (she sucks).

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Got Gas?

Would you drive all the way across town to get gas 8 cents cheaper a gallon? What about 5 cents? How about 2 cents?

I will. For any amount above. Nothing makes me more pissy than filling up at one gas station and then finding gas for even a penny cheaper down the road. Arrg!! Seriously, from the time my tank slips below the half full mark I'm scouting for the place I'll fill up. And I always fill up before making a road trip because I don't want to be forced to pay a higher price in another town.

Now really, does it matter? I mean, 8 cents a gallon for 16 gallons is only a little over a dollar. My husband likes to point out to me that I'm not even saving that much money. Shit, I probably have a $1.28 in spare change in my car. But saving is NOT the point. Why pay one penny more than I have to? And you can't take gas back, you can't get a refund. Not like ANY OTHER IDENTICAL PRODUCT SOLD OTHER PLACES. Am I wrong? It's all the same, right?

Does anyone else get it?

Friday, September 26, 2008

5 Things That Drive Me BONKERS!

1. Redundancy. Ie: "2:00AM in the morning". AM means Ante Meridiem, which is Latin for "before noon", duh. One or the other, people!

2. Dogs. Yeah, I know, I'm pure evil. Ug, I mean, everything about dogs SUCKS. Seriously, these animals will eat their own shit, used tampons, diapers… anything!! They are foul, drooly and useless. Personally, I'm waiting for my own dog to die. It has a life expectancy of 10 years, and thank the Lord, we're about half way. PETA probably just put out a hit on me.

3. "Kewl" and other phonetically spelled words. People who use words like this should be beaten with a sock full of nickels. Morons.

4. People who expect me to remember stupid details about their lives. Um, I'm drunk douche bag, I don't remember what day it is.

5. When my husband drinks my wine. Listen, I don't have much anymore. Ask a Mom what she has that's just for her. It may take her awhile to think of something. I do have a small stash of candy because sometimes this girl needs chocolate, but really… I don't have much. It's all been hijacked by my children. Even the bathroom, but you don't need to know about that. Recently I bought I gate for my bedroom door because I just couldn't take one more day of my drawers ransacked, the clothes pulled out of my closet, and my things touched and moved around. But I digress, my wine. I love my wine. It's my favorite. I spend a lot of time in the liquor store (while my kids are out in the running car eating Smarties) picking just the right kind. I look forward to opening each of them. And it just depressing that my husband, who just doesn't care about the smell or the taste (ICE CUBES IN RED!!), guzzles it like it's beer. I just hate it.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Lay Off Me, I'm Starving!!*

My husband and I went to a concert in Milwaukee last night. Counting Crows and Maroon 5, in case you were wondering. The show was okay, Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows is kind of douchey. I think if I were as depressed as he is I'd shoot myself. But this is not about the quality of the concert... this is about the food, or rather, the lack there of.

If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I take food very seriously. As long as I'm well fed, I'm fine, we can do whatever you want. But last night things went horribly wrong.

I suppose things wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been promised my favorite pizza after the concert. To be fair, maybe I wasn't promised the pizza, but if it's mentioned, you can guarantee I'm going to expect it. But it was 11pm by the time we left the show, the drive was over an hour, and we had 2 sleepy babysitters at our house that we didn't want to take advantage of (they are our ONLY babysitters, we lose them and I'll be more depressed than Adam Duritz).

So, we're on the freeway and I'm pouting. My husband is completely oblivious. Until he asks me if I'm okay.

"I'm fine," Ah, passive-aggressive standard, you never fail me.

"Are you mad we didn't stop for pizza?" Duh.

"No, but I'm really hungry and it's making me crabby. I mean, I haven't eaten all day."

Oh, I didn't mention the Anticipation-Fast?? Yeah, when I'm really looking forward to one particular meal, I have a hard time eating anything else. You'd think that I'd be really skinny, but I'm like a bear who gains weight and burns off her store of excess weight in the tough times. Listen, I'm not claiming to be a paragon of good health. Seriously, my alcohol & chocolate consumption alone is enough to cripple the weak.

"Well, I wish you would've mentioned that," says my husband, sounding contrite. "Do you want to stop for something?"

"No," was my answer, but what I wanted to say was "Are you kidding me? You promised me my favorite pizza, cruelly ripped that away, and instead you're offering me a skanky sammich or a bag of chips from BP?! Do you NOT know me? I mean, we've been together for over 7 years. I've been pregnant twice. Hasn't it SET IN that I LOVE FOOD? Don't you know me well enough to understand that food is my number 1 priority, aside from maybe drinking, and speaking of drinking, I wouldn't have had 3 of those icky wine cooler thingies had I known I wouldn't be eating?! My god... What the fuck is going on here?!" But I'm bigger that that, and I kept my mouth shut because even in my hunger induced temper, I knew it wasn't really his fault. We did need to get home

So, I didn't eat last night. Oh, and something else you should know, I hold a grudge.

*Bonus points if you get the reference to Chris Farley.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Informal Poll

Informal Poll: Is it GOOD or BAD that the guy who works at the liquor store in my little town knows what I like to drink (wine) and is so bewildered when I purchase something else (beer) that he actually feels compelled to ask me about it? Is it bad that I felt I needed to explain myself to him?? I'm not off the wine, I need this beer for a party... I promise I'll be back for more wine. Don't hate me...

Anyway, have you missed me? I haven't been posting because I've been dealing with some issues. Well, more issues than usual. It's kinda one of those things that just takes over your life, you know? It really stifled my thoughts and I just couldn't think of anything else to blog about, and I certainly couldn't blog about THAT. Maybe you're curious now, but it's a moot point. I'm over it. Sorta.

But I'm back, bitches! Yeah!!

Saturday, July 26, 2008

My Funny Champ

I'm back in love with my eldest son. Anyone with children understands that you go through phases with your kids. This is not to say that I didn't love Champ (don't be absurd), I just wasn't into him, so much. The Terrible 2's had stretched long into his 3's (I'm told this is common), and we butted heads on everything. But lately, we've really turned things around. Champ still has his moments (and I'm sure I do too), but things are getting so much better.

One of the things that I love about Champ right now is his obsession with turning 4. His birthday cake, his balloons, the presents, the things he'll be able to do when he's big... and to Champ, 4 is big. I'm scared he'll be disappointed that his world hasn't magically changed on the morning of his 4th birthday. Some one has very high expectations, and this Mom is scared she won't be able to do it all.

I'm also really loving his infatuation with babies, specifically his baby cousin, Boof. He talks about "my cousin" all day long. He's even started telling people that he's having a baby very soon. People always look at me like "Reeeally?" with a sly little smile. I had to take matters into my own hands, and when I saw these little baby dolls at Target for only $3, I had to get one for each of the boys. And let me tell you it was the best thing I ever did. Champ LOVES this doll in a way I couldn't have envisioned. He shushed me when his baby doll, Danny, was sleeping. He wrapped Danny up in his special blankie (his blankie is, by the way, a girl and called Baby). Champ is very sweet and gentle, and what mother wouldn't fall in love with that?

And baby-doll Danny, brings me to my next favorite thing about Champ, and that is all the funny little things he has to say. This afternoon while we were watching Cinderella (for the 5th time this week... he just loves Gus the mouse), he looked over at me and said, "Mommy, can we talk about this baby I'm growing in my belly?" I hadn't noticed, but he had put baby-doll Danny under his shirt. Seriously, it was everything I could do not to laugh at him, because he was very serious. Can we talk about it? Why, of course we can!

So, I guess Champ is back on my list of favorite things, and I'm sure I'll have plenty more funny little things about him to share... unless turning 4 is as difficult as I'm told it will be.

Friday, July 18, 2008

I Like Alcohol

Obviously, I was in a bad mood today. (See "32 Hours Without Internet" for reasons why.) And really had no patience, particularly for my nearly 4 year old son's "baby talk".

"Teddy Grahams," he whined/cooed.

"What? I don't understand you when you talk like that." Even thought I did (it's a Mom thing).

"Teddy Grahams," he repeated, a little less whiny.

"Why are you saying that?" Suspicious.

"That just means I like them." He looks at me sweetly. I know he wants them, but it's 9am and even though I'm in crisis-mode, I'm not giving him a snack 45 minutes after he's had breakfast. And he knows it too.

"Well, I like alcohol," I mutter as I turn and walk up the stairs.

Behind me I hear, "Alcohol?" in that sickeningly cooey/whiny baby voice.

32 Hours Without Internet

So I log on Thursday morning ready for an exciting day of Internet fun! Wednesday night I posted adorable pictures of my boys on my Facebook page and knew there would be lots of fun comments about them, an email about my nephew's surgery, and not to mention how much pleasure I get from chatting with my friends. Alas, my service provider had different plans for me.

At first, I was just a little panicky. Why isn't this working, what's happening, what do I do? But then I was okay... I called Charter, and listened to the automated message telling me they knew there were problems in my area. Content that someone was on top of this, I distracted myself with taking care of my children (maybe I should re-examine my priorities?), and getting ready for our day. But then I had to look again. I called Charter again, listening to the same message... I bargained with myself that I could wait till the afternoon. I shut my computer down. I felt a moments sadness that I wasn't able to say good morning to this other part of my world, but knew that after lunch and during nap time I would be able to bliss out in front of the screen. The wait would be worth it.

When the Internet wasn't working after lunch I became agitated. I called Charter again, lying to the woman on the phone that I did a little work from home because who else panics like this when they can't look at Facebook, for Christ's sake?! Turns out they're upgrading the system or some BS like that, and I won't be able to get online until after 9 PM! Good God, take me now! Despite being told the Internet would be out all day, I kept checking obsessively all the while wondering if anyone would really notice I was gone? I thought about being online while reading, I thought about being online during my Pilate's class, I thought about being online while eating... it was consuming my every waking moment. Eventually I had to try to fall asleep without the sweet relief of seeing or communicating with any of my friends. I had dreams about my computer.

When the morning arrived and there was no change, I was in full-on freak-out mode. I was rude with Sharon from Charter. Sharon insisted the problem wasn't theirs, it must be the router. I was pleading and near tears with the Linksys dude, who was gentle but firm when he told me the problem wasn't theirs. And I was full-on SOBBING to my husband when I pulled him out of a meeting to relay that I still couldn't get online, and no one could help me (besides a licensed psychiatrist). During all of this, my children were barely fed and wondering what was wrong with Mommy.

My Internet dependency was out of my hands... I knew the only way out of this was to get help. My husband, my rock, would save me. Never mind his job, he understood that if I didn't get help immediately, lives would be in mortal peril. Communication with Charter was now in his hands.

I couldn't be near my computer, yet it called to me like a siren... I left the house. We drove aimlessly, part of me on the look out for other Internet sources, until I realized my children needed food. We ate, I didn't taste anything. It was like all my senses had shut off, my mind could only think of one thing... Facebook, IM, email... it ran through my head like a mantra. I talked to my husband who had finally found someone to help me, and it was fixed. I went home, disbelieving, but with a glimmer of hope. Of course it didn't work.

I texted my husband, "the people at Charter are motherf*ckers." I told my sister and my friend that "I was getting a gun and killing everyone in Charter's office " It was ugly. I cried. I bargained with God. My husband came home early, my white knight. Another call to Charter, more system restarts...

And now, at long last, I'm back on my crack!

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

I Heart Facebook

Facebook. Totally obsessed with it. I've had the opportunity to reconnect with so many people from all different stages of my life. Like, I found a girl that I last saw in the fifth grade! Facebook has helped me rekindle relationships with girlfriends from college that I hadn't seen or spoken with in years. Now we try to get together every month or so. But probably most interestingly, Facebook brought a boy back into my life who still makes me gooey inside... sigh.

What is it about those crushes that never go away? Like those celebrities we loved as kids, and whom we still defend. (Corey Haim, I'm talking about you... your drug problem wasn't your fault! It's the industry! It's Feldman's fault, he left you behind! You're still a cutie to me... even if you're a little skanky & puffy.) Anyway, why are there some people we just can't shake?

I think it's a combination of chemistry & romanticism. You can't deny chemistry. Either you have it or you don't, and when you do, look out because a breeze could make you go weak in the knees in lust with that person. And of course, romance. I mean seriously, if you couldn't make it work when you were seeing each other, lord knows it wouldn't work with all the miles, years & baggage you have between you. But romance makes you dream about it and wonder.

So right now, I'm doing a little wondering, but know in my heart that like all crushes, this one will undoubtedly fade away. Sigh... But I'll always have Facebook!

Good Times

My husband and I went out tonight... and for the record, I don't get out much. Therefore I've completely lost my ability to socialize. Now if we're being honest, and I always am, I'm tons of fun, but not everyone likes my fun. I'm opinionated and a little bit in your face, and after 2 glasses of wine, I'll totally let you know about my "drinking problem". Which is sorta hypothetical, but to a room full of drunk people, that's hilarious! Kind of what I'm all about... not exactly good for my husbands "career", but thankfully, he loves me anyway...

Sunday, July 13, 2008

First Time

So, I've recently started reading blogs, and figured that I can do this too. But, you know, I may not have a lot to say. Not to mention it seems that you have to have a certain amount of willingness to let other people (STRANGERS) into your life. And anyone that knows me knows I NEVER talk to strangers.

I don't know why. I don't think I'm socially awkward. I think I'm entertaining and funny and fun to talk to (especially after I've had a drink or two). So maybe for me to talk to strangers I need to be drinking... hmm. I suppose a light white wine in the morning wouldn't be too harsh, but then knowing my ability to get drunk in the blink of an eye, I'd never be able to leave my home. Drunk driving a minivan with 2 kids strapped (or maybe not, I would-hypothetically-be drunk) in back is not cool.

I have a friend, M, who makes friends everywhere she goes. In fact, one of my best friends, K, is a result of M's talent. I had my doubts when M told me they met at a hardware store, but K is great, and our kids love each other. Funny, because now I kinda don't like M so much anymore...

But I digress... and look where it got me! I'm sharing with strangers. Who am I kidding? No one will read this.