Sunday, August 24, 2008

Lay Off Me, I'm Starving!!*

My husband and I went to a concert in Milwaukee last night. Counting Crows and Maroon 5, in case you were wondering. The show was okay, Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows is kind of douchey. I think if I were as depressed as he is I'd shoot myself. But this is not about the quality of the concert... this is about the food, or rather, the lack there of.

If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I take food very seriously. As long as I'm well fed, I'm fine, we can do whatever you want. But last night things went horribly wrong.

I suppose things wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been promised my favorite pizza after the concert. To be fair, maybe I wasn't promised the pizza, but if it's mentioned, you can guarantee I'm going to expect it. But it was 11pm by the time we left the show, the drive was over an hour, and we had 2 sleepy babysitters at our house that we didn't want to take advantage of (they are our ONLY babysitters, we lose them and I'll be more depressed than Adam Duritz).

So, we're on the freeway and I'm pouting. My husband is completely oblivious. Until he asks me if I'm okay.

"I'm fine," Ah, passive-aggressive standard, you never fail me.

"Are you mad we didn't stop for pizza?" Duh.

"No, but I'm really hungry and it's making me crabby. I mean, I haven't eaten all day."

Oh, I didn't mention the Anticipation-Fast?? Yeah, when I'm really looking forward to one particular meal, I have a hard time eating anything else. You'd think that I'd be really skinny, but I'm like a bear who gains weight and burns off her store of excess weight in the tough times. Listen, I'm not claiming to be a paragon of good health. Seriously, my alcohol & chocolate consumption alone is enough to cripple the weak.

"Well, I wish you would've mentioned that," says my husband, sounding contrite. "Do you want to stop for something?"

"No," was my answer, but what I wanted to say was "Are you kidding me? You promised me my favorite pizza, cruelly ripped that away, and instead you're offering me a skanky sammich or a bag of chips from BP?! Do you NOT know me? I mean, we've been together for over 7 years. I've been pregnant twice. Hasn't it SET IN that I LOVE FOOD? Don't you know me well enough to understand that food is my number 1 priority, aside from maybe drinking, and speaking of drinking, I wouldn't have had 3 of those icky wine cooler thingies had I known I wouldn't be eating?! My god... What the fuck is going on here?!" But I'm bigger that that, and I kept my mouth shut because even in my hunger induced temper, I knew it wasn't really his fault. We did need to get home

So, I didn't eat last night. Oh, and something else you should know, I hold a grudge.

*Bonus points if you get the reference to Chris Farley.

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