So I log on Thursday morning ready for an exciting day of Internet fun! Wednesday night I posted adorable pictures of my boys on my Facebook page and knew there would be lots of fun comments about them, an email about my nephew's surgery, and not to mention how much pleasure I get from chatting with my friends. Alas, my service provider had different plans for me.
At first, I was just a little panicky. Why isn't this working, what's happening, what do I do? But then I was okay... I called Charter, and listened to the automated message telling me they knew there were problems in my area. Content that someone was on top of this, I distracted myself with taking care of my children (maybe I should re-examine my priorities?), and getting ready for our day. But then I had to look again. I called Charter again, listening to the same message... I bargained with myself that I could wait till the afternoon. I shut my computer down. I felt a moments sadness that I wasn't able to say good morning to this other part of my world, but knew that after lunch and during nap time I would be able to bliss out in front of the screen. The wait would be worth it.
When the Internet wasn't working after lunch I became agitated. I called Charter again, lying to the woman on the phone that I did a little work from home because who else panics like this when they can't look at Facebook, for Christ's sake?! Turns out they're upgrading the system or some BS like that, and I won't be able to get online until after 9 PM! Good God, take me now! Despite being told the Internet would be out all day, I kept checking obsessively all the while wondering if anyone would really notice I was gone? I thought about being online while reading, I thought about being online during my Pilate's class, I thought about being online while eating... it was consuming my every waking moment. Eventually I had to try to fall asleep without the sweet relief of seeing or communicating with any of my friends. I had dreams about my computer.
When the morning arrived and there was no change, I was in full-on freak-out mode. I was rude with Sharon from Charter. Sharon insisted the problem wasn't theirs, it must be the router. I was pleading and near tears with the Linksys dude, who was gentle but firm when he told me the problem wasn't theirs. And I was full-on SOBBING to my husband when I pulled him out of a meeting to relay that I still couldn't get online, and no one could help me (besides a licensed psychiatrist). During all of this, my children were barely fed and wondering what was wrong with Mommy.
My Internet dependency was out of my hands... I knew the only way out of this was to get help. My husband, my rock, would save me. Never mind his job, he understood that if I didn't get help immediately, lives would be in mortal peril. Communication with Charter was now in his hands.
I couldn't be near my computer, yet it called to me like a siren... I left the house. We drove aimlessly, part of me on the look out for other Internet sources, until I realized my children needed food. We ate, I didn't taste anything. It was like all my senses had shut off, my mind could only think of one thing... Facebook, IM, email... it ran through my head like a mantra. I talked to my husband who had finally found someone to help me, and it was fixed. I went home, disbelieving, but with a glimmer of hope. Of course it didn't work.
I texted my husband, "the people at Charter are motherf*ckers." I told my sister and my friend that "I was getting a gun and killing everyone in Charter's office " It was ugly. I cried. I bargained with God. My husband came home early, my white knight. Another call to Charter, more system restarts...
And now, at long last, I'm back on my crack!