Texty-Texty

Friend: "I literally live for the time of day that i sit down in front of the tv..in my pjs..and have my phone..it makes me so happy"

Me: "Yes, it's what heaven feels like"

Texty-Texty

Friend: "what do u think michele duggars boobs look like after 19 pregnancies and breastfeeding"

Me: "What about her pussy? Bet she can't use tampons. Her body just automatically births them right back out."

Hello Captain Obvious

Our boys play soccer on Tuesday nights and we usually force feed them a peanut butter & jelly sammich before they head out... Tonight I said to my husband:



"I thought you were making the pb & js?"

And he replied, "I can't find any jelly".

*facepalm*