Janeabelle

Texty-Texty

2010-08-05T19:20:00.003-05:00

Friend: "I literally live for the time of day that i sit down in front of the tv..in my pjs..and have my phone..it makes me so happy"

Me: "Yes, it's what heaven feels like"

Texty-Texty

2010-08-03T19:44:00.003-05:00

Friend: "what do u think michele duggars boobs look like after 19 pregnancies and breastfeeding"

Me: "What about her pussy? Bet she can't use tampons. Her body just automatically births them right back out."

Hello Captain Obvious

2010-04-27T18:37:00.006-05:00

Our boys play soccer on Tuesday nights and we usually force feed them a peanut butter & jelly sammich before they head out... Tonight I said to my husband:

"I thought you were making the pb & js?"

And he replied, "I can't find any jelly".

*facepalm*

Extra Lucky

2009-06-17T16:55:00.003-05:00

Overheard on the way to Home Depot:

Champ: "Mom, why do you have two boys?"

Me: "Because I'm lucky."

Champ: "Well, you're gonna be extra lucky, cause you're gonna have THREE boys!"

Oh, the sweetness of a 4 year old. Sometimes they really wow you with the wonderful things that they say. (Almost makes me feel guilty for the sarcastic intentions of my "I'm Lucky" remark.)

Champ is absolutely convinced that we're having a boy. He really won't even entertain the option that the baby might be a girl. When I commented later that I'll be lucky to have a baby girl too, because all babies are special and we're lucky to have them, Champ disagreed. However, I think that when the baby comes he'll be super happy no matter what it is. He's one of those kids with "baby joy", he sees them and gushes about how cute and little they are. Other moms think he's adorable and I hear all the time what a great big brother he is/will be. And I agree, Champ is a big sweetie.

Bear thinks we're having a girl, because naturally they must disagree about it. Although I don't think Bear really even understands what all this baby nonsense is about, and I'm a little nervous about his reaction when the time comes. There are probably a ton of books I can buy about it, but I'm really not that kinda mom. He's kind of waffling between being a big boy and being my baby. He still has that wonderful baby fat, which makes him completely irresistible, but he really wants to be a big boy too. He recently started potty training himself. Just hopped right on and pooped. It was a little shocking, and I'm not really giving it a lot of time. When he asks to go, we put him up there. I don't want to be one of those suckers who works for a year an a half on the potty training. I might not be giving my child what he "needs" but who really wants to spend their days cleaning underwear? I have enough laundry as it is...

But I digress. Baby fever is getting high around here, which is a little disconcerting because it is 3 and half months away yet, and I'm really not ready to be a mom to 3! And my husband turns an awful shade of pale green whenever I remind him of how far along I am. You'd think that would be something he could keep track of given my expansion... Funny story, he asked the nurse about contractions and when to bring me to the hospital at our last appointment. She was a little amused that he wanted to know so early (I'm only 23 weeks), but that's the kind of guy he is. He'll probably ask at every appointment we go to from now on. Meanwhile, I'm just getting fatter and more uncomfortable and even though I shouldn't, I can't help but freak out about weight gain. But that doesn't stop me from eating whatever I darn well please... bring on the spicy chicken wings!

Absentee Blogger

2009-04-30T17:14:00.003-05:00

So, I've totally been on hiatus, huh? Don't be angry with me, I've been busy. With what? I guess I can't say. Just life. It's been hectic. When my husband and I were pregnant with our first child we assumed that our lives would be less busy, we'd travel less and just be home more. So not true. Life continues at the same frantic pace, and you're left dealing with the stress of having to drag your kid along.

I've also had a couple things going on that I haven't necessarily wanted to blog about, as this blog was quickly discovered by my Dad and more recently by at least one of my younger sisters and my Mom. Isn't it interesting that I'm comfortable venting and revealing personal details to strangers, but am not really interested in sharing my thoughts with my family? I've already censored my thoughts and "stuff" a lot... and now knowing that my whole family is privy to it all makes me feel like a teenager who's Dear Diary has been passed around. I guess I could ask them not to read it, but know them and thereby know they'd read it anyway. So here I am, stunted in my creative endeavor.

Anyway, one of the things I "could not" blog about is my pregnancy. Yay! I'm having a baby! It's nice to say that. I'm not terribly superstitious about the 1st trimester thing, at least I wasn't in the past. Had I been blogging during my first and second pregnancy, I'm certain I would've said something much sooner. As it is, I'm about 18 weeks now and haven't been terribly public about it. We told our families right away and I've been telling friends when I see them, but as a "blogger" and on Facebook I haven't wanted to say anything. I'm sure some of my FB friends could guess, but I'm just not certain I want it out there. Is that strange? Maybe it's because I've done this all before and have 2 beautiful and healthy boys that I realize how delicate it all is and know that anything can go wrong. Maybe as I've gotten older I've become less comfotable with being the center of attention. Maybe I was so surprised by it that it's taken me extra long to wrap my brain around it all. Maybe it's because I know this is my last pregnancy that I want to keep it mine, keep it all to myself, keep it private and special. I don't know...

But now I feel comfortable talking about what's been in my head for so long. So, I'm due October 8th, and won't find out the baby's sex. We didn't find out with the boys, and I see no reason to find out this time either. I told my husband that if I know, I'll just start shopping, and we really don't need that, do we?

Three is daunting, huh? Maybe it's just me, but it makes me nervous. I know my husband is freaking out, but what doesn't he freak out about? It's that whole "we'll be out-numbered" thing. I have a hard time getting 2 into bed, I just can't imagine having another one in the queue. Or maybe with the boys turning 5 and 3 it'll be easier than when Champ was just 2 and Bear was a newborn. Awww, aren't I cute? I'm trying to talk myself out of a panic attack...

Anyway, I hope to be posting more, but really can't make any promises about it. It might not be interesting or funny, because I'm only funny when I'm hammered and, sadly, no booze for me. See, I love my baby! (But this is the last one because, damn, I love my wine.)

Bathroom Humor

2009-03-12T20:17:00.004-05:00

You know it's time to get your kids out of the tub when you hear:

"Heeey! Don't put your finger in my butt!"

(To protect the innocent, and disgusting, I won't reveal who said it or whose finger I scrubbed raw.)

Overheard in My Kitchen

2009-02-27T23:52:00.005-06:00

"Champ, you can blow yourself."

Pause

*SNORT!*

-Me, to Champ, after listening to him whine about needing me to blow on his tomato soup.

Deep Thoughts: The Snuggie

2009-02-16T14:16:00.003-06:00

I know, I know. I feel like I'm officially on the bandwagon now. But this Snuggie-mania is out of control. People are rabid for it, in a completely mocking "I-can't-wait-to-tell-my-friends-that-I-bought-one-everyone-is-gonna-pee-their-pants" kinda way. Personally, I'm not so enthused. It's not that I don't get it, duh, it's just not that funny to me. And here's why:

Isn't it just a backwards bathrobe? This occurred to me when, after I put on my robe, my son asked me to put his blanket around his shoulders and commented "I wish my blanket had arms." Apparently the creator of the Snuggie also has a 4 year old.

So yeah, Snuggies are lame. We all knew this already. But my 4 year old really wants one, and I'm willing to bet my mother does too. So maybe they are onto something.

UPDATE:

Now, like I said, I'm late to this Snuggie craze, and apparently my thoughts on this are not original (lots of naughty words on this video, not for pussies):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h05ZQ7WHw8Y&feature=related

Janeabelle's Top Ten List About Being Home Alone

2009-02-13T22:49:00.002-06:00

10. The quiet that enables one to finish a thought, write a list, read an email.

9. Napping.

8. Not having to meet demands, answer questions, and say no!

7. Vacuuming without screams, panic and 2 young boys trying to beat the vacuum to death with golf clubs.

6. Picking up around the house without having to worry about everything being taken out again or a new mess being created behind you.

5. Watching TV without interruptions.

4. Reading. Not the same page over and over, but actual progress.

3. Eating without anyone mooching half of it off or plate or gagging so loudly and persistently that you can't even eat it anymore.

2. Taking a shower and putting on lotion without having to worry about anyone barging in and asking you what "those hanging things" are.

1. How nice it is to have them all come back home again.

Octuplets

2009-02-10T12:53:00.002-06:00

Wow. Octuplets. Can you even imagine? How incredible and insane and amazing to have 8 babies growing inside you. The human body is an amazing thing to be capable of such a feat.

This woman, Nadya Suleman, who recently became famous for giving birth to octuplets is not, I believe, a bad person. I admire her courage. I admire her for not "selectively reducing" her pregnancy. She may, however, have some issues with attachment and love, but I don't think that she's a bad mother because of it. She may not be able to give those babies everything in the world, but it seems that she loves them, and their 6 other siblings, very much.

I find fault with the media in this situation, who have vilified this woman. Made her out to be insane, incapable, and fame-hungry. I'm also disgusted that companies like Huggies, Inafamil, Graco and the like have publicly said they will not be helping this woman with donations for her new brood. Maybe we don't agree with her decisions, don't understand why she's choosing to create such a large family with little help, and maybe in our eyes this situation is not one we would want to be in, but are these companies and the media punishing the mother and as a result hurting the babies? That's what I see. I see a family who could desperately use some help from all over, but because of the unconventional circumstances, those who are in a position to help are pulling away.

It's discrimination, and it disgusts me. These poor little babies don't deserve to be neglected. The mother should have considered her circumstances before going ahead with the decision to create so many babies, but regardless of how they arrived on this planet, all babies are a gift from God and should be treated as such.

I don't know, I may change my mind about some of these details later, but I won't change my mind about this woman needing help, and I will forever be ashamed of those who turned their backs on her.

Pray for her and all 14 of her children.

Still Alive

2009-02-07T12:31:00.005-06:00

Yeah, I'm still around. My husband and I went on a little vacation last weekend to Scottsdale, AZ. Technically, my husband was there for a conference and I really didn't see much of him, but it was still lovely. I should note that we left the children behind. I threw some Cheerios down. They were fine.

We went out to dinner every night. I spend loads of time in bed. I showered and did my hair every day. I shopped alone and scored a pair of divine Michael Kors zebra striped heels for only $40. I toured the most beautiful place on earth, and my future home, Sedona. It was absolutely restorative, particularly the Sonoran Sands Body Scrub & Massage.

Now I'm back, and after only 7 days that vacation feels like it was months ago. All that sleep that I thought I was storing up on, completely wiped away. Sigh. Anyway, I've been trying to muster up my creative juices to blog a little, but I guess I don't have any... So I'm going to lame-out and make a little list of things that I like.

I like sunshine & being outside. Who knew? I'm kind of a couch potato and I'm as shocked by this news as the rest of you.
I like having a giant mug of hot chocolate just sitting on my counter, like all day. I reheat it at least a dozen times managing to take a few sips before getting pulled away to the next disaster.
I like reading other people's blogs, but only if they're really snarky, bitchy & funny.
I like my husband's whims & odd quirks. Dude doesn't often come out of his shell, but when he does, we're having a good time and spending money (another thing I like).
I like reading. I really prefer chic-lit and romance novels. Escapist stuff. But I'm in a book club and I've read a lot of really interesting books that I never would have picked out. That's the point of book clubs I suppose.
I like cooking and eating and drinking. I like to do that with friends and wish we went to or threw dinner parties. Not exactly in that place in our lives, but one day.
I like taking pictures of flowers and nature. I suppose it's easier than taking pictures of people, but the color of a flower and the way it's captured can be so remarkable to me.

Prickly Pear Cactus; Twisty Red Bark; Juniper Berries
Pictures from Sedona, AZ

I like fresh sheets. The smell that envelops you and the crispness. Just thinking about it makes me want to strip my bed and get washing right now.
I like my Facebook page. I like updating my status and I love that friends tell me they think I'm funny or interesting. I had a friend who made her status: "Melissa is wondering if anyone else checks facebook sometimes just to see what Janabelle has posted for her status. Always hilarious, S!!" This made my day. I still smile about it.
I like watching my 2 year old suck his thumb. He's so sweet.
I like Disney movies, obviously not the same one 17 days in a row as the viewers in my house are wont to do, but Disney is so funny!
I like the quiet of my house when everyone is napping.
I like opening all the windows on the first spring day (soon, very soon!).
I like collecting recipes, especially for desserts.

In Sedona, my future home.

Something to Think About

2009-01-22T18:43:00.005-06:00

This evening after a delicious dinner of fajitas, I was serving the boys pudding cups. I accidentally dropped one cup, and it opened a bit, leaking some pudding onto the floor. My 4 yr old promptly stepped in it (duh) and was sent upstairs for new socks.

As he came down he asked, "Was that my pudding you spilled?"

I said no, because knowing that question was coming, I gave it to his brother who would never know the difference (can't wait for that day to come), and Champ just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Okay."

I chuckled to myself because he's so predictable, and then it occurred to me, "Oh my God, children are natural liberals!"

As long as he wasn't affected or getting less, he really didn't care about the spill. Just like all those people out there who don't care that some people will be taxed more, as long as their slice of the pie remains intact, they don't care who gets hurt.

So very, very interesting.

Simple minds, I guess.

Anyone Have a Rock that I can Crawl Under?

2009-01-19T17:51:00.005-06:00

So, I'm on Facebook all day. Seriously. ALL DAY. I'm not ashamed of this, but I know it's ridiculously excessive. I have a lap top, and I leave it open in my living room. When I have a spare second I check out my page, my email, Perez Hilton. I'm not sitting in front of it nonstop, but I do check it a lot.

Anyway, I don't really like to Instant Message my friends because I know I don't really enjoy it when people IM me. Facebook is kinda my alone time, my time to veg out and do my own thing. However, if I see my husband pop up on my available friends list, I'm totally going to IM him. And I did it today.

"Hey bitch." Heehee, I crack myself up.

"Meeting with Mr. Big Game, don't write again." He writes back.

Whoops! So I shut him down and didn't think much of it, until he called me later.

"So, I was in a meeting with Mr. Big Game, the Doctor, and Ms. Smarty-Pants, showing them how Facebook can be a useful marketing resource..." Begins my husband.

*Dreadful-sinking-feeling-in-stomach-and-all-over-body-flush-resulting-in-nervous-laughter*

"Was your computer screen projected?" Omg, I might hurl.

"Yes..."

*Hurling*

Luckily, this is something that my husband is capable of laughing about, and we laughed a lot! He's been with me long enough to know that I'm a total nut-job, and he's not really embarrassed by me or what I have to say.

"Well, at least I didn't ask you what you were wearing..."

The Happy Homemaker's Survey

2009-01-15T17:50:00.012-06:00

I love filling little surveys out. They're not terribly original, I know, but are revealing none-the-less. And when I saw this in June's archives, I knew I had to fill it out. The questions are HILARIOUS.

DO YOU WEAR AN APRON?
Most often with nothing underneath. Oh, I mean, yes, I have one, but I don't wear it. I think aprons are really cute, in theory, but have yet to find one that fits well.

FAVORITE THING TO BAKE?
I like to bake cookies and brownies, but don't do it very often. Seriously, my husband and I don't have much will power when it comes to baked goods.

CLOTHESLINE?
No. Especially since I read that allergens attach themselves to fabrics hanging outside. My husband and son both suffer from allergies. There's not much one can do to prevent that, but bringing allergens IN is not wise.

DONUTS?
(Does this question seem kinda random to anyone else?) I like the classic Old-fashioned glazed donuts. The ones at Starbucks are super yummy. We also like those mini powdered donuts. When I was pregnant with Champ, I'd eat them by the box. Also very good after a night of heavy drinking.

ONE HOMEMAKING THING YOU DO EVERYDAY?
I'm pretty obsessive with wiping down my counter tops. I love Clorox Wipes. I used to sweep obsessively, but kinda don't care anymore. Now I'm really anal about toys & kid clutter. I really spend a lot of time keeping all of their shit where it belongs. Stuff has a way of getting all over the house. Anyone seen Toy Story? The scene where the little troops are doing recon and the Mom comes out of the kitchen and is like "Ug, I thought I told him to put these toys away?"... yeah, I really don't have a hard time believing that they move on their own.

DO YOU HAVE A SEPARATE DEEP FREEZE?
We have an extra fridge in the garage. It's full of milk, Diet Coke, and beer. We also have a big freezer, it's pretty full. The power to it went out two summers ago and it broke my heart to throw all that food away.

GARBAGE DISPOSAL?
Yes. I've had a couple incidents with it that required a 24 hour plumber. (Who actually has a plumbing emergency during business hours?)

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HOMEMAKING RESOURCE?
My Mom, my laptop, my friends.

IRONING?
I used to iron before I had kids, but now I won't do it. First of all, who has the time? Second, I'm TERRIFIED one of the boys would pull the hot iron off the board. I dry clean everything that won't look nice out of the dryer. I should also mention that I don't wear clothes that really require ironing.

DO YOU HAVE A JUNK DRAWER?
Yes, in the kitchen. I hate it. Wish I could get rid of it for good, but where else would I put my rubber bands, matches, tape, twist ties, thumb tacks, little labels, random office supplies that I definitely thought I would find useful, candy, markers, broken toys, expired coupons, Pez dispensers, pencils that need to be sharpened, paperclips, etc etc...

KITCHEN DESIGN?
It's pretty boring. We moved in 2 years ago, and every 6 months or so I VOW that this will be the year that we get it all painted. It's brown, along with almost every other wall the original owners hired chimps to paint for them. At the risk of offending all the people out there who love brown, I fucking HATE it. It's okay during the day when the sun is out, but later in the afternoon and at night, it's like a cave. I'm thinking yellow, and there's a big wall by our table that I'd love to put a neat yellow striped wall paper on. My husband thinks I'm nuts, but I think it'll be great. In 2015. When it's finally done.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PART ABOUT HOMEMAKING?
Well, I pretty much bounced from job to job for quite a while, not really living up to my full potential. I just knew in my heart that sleeping in and watching soaps was what I was born to do. And I did pay $30,000 per year for my MRS degree, I figured it was time to get serious about that. So, here I am. Sitting on my thrown, listening to my beautiful children play happily with each other, the scent of my 5 course dinner, being lovingly prepared by my personal chef, wafting through the air...

DO YOU USE A MOP?
I use a Swiffer Wet Jet. Actually I just use the pads and have a spray bottle with Mr. Clean and a splash of bleach that I spray all over the floor. Does the job, I guess.

NYLONS?
The last time I wore nylons was because I was FORCED to. That's a long story. I could possibly be talked into telling it, but I'd have to be a little drunk.

DO YOU USE THE WINDOW OR OPEN THE DOOR TO PEEK INTO THE OVEN?
I open the door.

PIZZA?
Thin crust with pepperoni, onions, mushrooms and black olives.

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU GET A QUIET MOMENT?
I'm sorry, I didn't hear your question... it's a little loud, wait, let me go into another room. Oh! Of course, quiet time. Yeah. Hmmm... it's been awhile. So long that I don't remember it. I'll have to get back to you on this.

DO YOU HAVE A RECIPE CARD BOX?
No. I have a little binder with recipes in it. I also have a coupon type file sorter full of recipes that I've pulled from magazines that I'd like to try. All divided into categories like poultry, red meat, pasta, sides. Really easy to find a new chicken recipe when I'm looking to do something different. If I make it and like it, I'll put it in my little book.

STYLE OF HOUSE?
Um, is Battle Ship a style? It's a tri-level. The outside is gray... I don't think it's a pretty house at all, but it's what's inside that counts, right? (Poopy brown walls, not with standing.)

TABLECLOTHS & NAPKINS?
No. Are you kidding? I have 2 little boys and a husband. But I do have some very cute place mats and cloth napkins that reside in a drawer and have been out twice. I love them too much to feed the animals off of them.

UNDER THE SINK? ORGANIZED VS TOXIC WASTELAND?
Pretty organized. Just dish soap, wash clothes, Clorox Wipes, and some extra hand sanitizer under there. All of our cleaning supplies are up so high that I need a step stool to reach them. My husband is pretty anal about home safety, and I guess I can't argue with him about protecting our children from ingesting poisonous chemicals, right?

HOW MANY TIMES A WEEK DO YOU VACUUM?
Another thing I used to be super anal about. We have a Newfoundland dog who sheds like crazy. I used to vacuum like crazy, but 3 or so years ago we started having her hair cut short (which is a big no-no in the Newfie breeding community). As a result, not so much hair everywhere. Also, my vacuum is kinda crappy. It's a hand-me-down and is really starting to suck... well, actually, NOT suck is more like it. I was desperately hoping for a Dyson for my birthday or Christmas. I even told my 4 year old that I wanted a vacuum, and anyone with a 4 year old knows that they are like a dog with a bone on topics like that. Alas, husband is deaf and didn't get the message.

HOW MANY LOADS OF LAUNDRY PER WEEK?
I really try to do laundry everyday. It's a nightmare if you get behind. It used to drive me crazy that my mom had so much laundry just sitting and sitting and sitting in the laundry room. But now I kinda get it. Once you're behind it's so hard to catch up. And she had 5 times the children I do, that's 10 kids for those of you not paying attention. Shit. Can you IMAGINE that? Seriously, I know what it looks like. It's NOT pretty. Also, it may seem like the boys have a lot of clothes, but they really don't. I have to do wash often if I don't want them to look like dirty orphans.

DO YOU KEEP A DAILY LIST OF THINGS TO DO AND CROSS THEM OFF?
Not really. Occasionally I'll make a list of things I want done over the weekend so my husband knows what I expect to be accomplished. Rarely does it all get done. I do have a list of little things to do, but it's been around for MONTHS and it's become part of the scenery. I don't even "see" it anymore.

WHO DOES THE YARD WORK?
Oh, Gardener takes care of all that. He's also rather clever in the sack...

WHAT'S YOUR NIGHT TIME ROUTINE?
Wash out my wine glass, make sure the dishwasher is on, make sure the beasts haven't migrated out of bed and onto the floor, take my vitamins, read for a while, and pass the fuck out.

Geese Suck

2009-01-12T16:06:00.007-06:00

Particularly if a comforter full of their feathers explodes in a dryer. It's like someone shot a fucking bird in my basement. As if the dust bunnies needed the competition...

UPDATE:

I would like to thank my friend C for saying that things like this only happen to me. I was beginning to suspect that and am relieved it's not residual pot-paranoia, but instead, the far graver reality of my life.

FYI, I've scooped up as many feathers as my patience allowed and am ignoring the rest. Seeing as this happened in my basement, I'm not so concerned. They will give the cat something to do after pooping, or in the event that we get a mouse, will help him establish a cozy home. One day I will shop-vac the bejezus out of the basement, but not today. I'm busy drinking.

Deanna Pappas: Fame Whore

2009-01-09T20:31:00.004-06:00

Yeah, I said it. You know you were thinking it. Seriously, first she dumps poor Jason and then when he gets his own show, she shows up. Because she's the type who wants her cake and wants to eat it too. What a bitch.

You know what else I'm thinking? I love ABC. Seriously. Not only have they come up with The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, they "scour" the country for the biggest fame whores and hot men (who are also whores) who are conveniently willing to find love. On TV. On a private jet. In the Bahamas. With a Doctor/Prince/Navy Officer/Englishman. Seriously, some of these twits would probably fall in love with a monkey if plied with enough alcohol.

Of course, I have some "favorites" this year. "Skeletor" is a particularly tragic character. Her husband was killed in a plane crash (which is terrible). I'm glad she had a plastic surgeon on hand to console herself with and make sure that life insurance didn't go to waste. Poor "Visualization Boards" probably didn't visualize getting the boot on national TV, but really, they're all so deluded (and drunk), that none of them can comprehend why. "But we had a connection..." Oh, and "Baby Momma" who left her 14 month old to be on the show. Really. 14 months. She won the "Send One Girl Home" contest by a landslide, only to not really be sent home. "Baby Momma" is now Pissed Off, and should be very pleasant for the others to live with.

Honestly, it was only lukewarm. It was like every other first episode, just killed 2 hours of my night. Until ABC pulled out their Ace (of Spades, the one with the poisonous dagger), the return of Deanna. Wow. Holy, holy shit. I'm shocked, appalled, and absolutely fucking giddy with excitement. This really will be the "Most Dramatic Season Yet!"

YAY! Monday nights have a whole new meaning...

(If you don't understand what I'm talking about, then this may not be the blog for you.)

Why?

2009-01-06T12:17:00.003-06:00

Why.

One tiny word, so much angst. My oldest never really went through the "Why?" phase. But I'm making up for it in spades with my 2 year old. Good Lord, how do you answer this question over and over and over?

"Princess Jasmin's pet tiger is Raja." Why?

"That's the name she gave him." Why?

"Um, maybe she thought it was pretty." Why?

Seriously? How can I do this? I feel guilty not answering a question. I mean, despite all evidence to the contrary, he is a sweetheart and I want to do everything for him, but this is maddening. I know I'm not the first mommy to go crazy about this, and certainly won't be the last, but really, could somebody please tell me how to answer this??

Happy Birthday Max

2009-01-05T15:51:00.007-06:00

My baby brother would be 9 years old today. It's a little surreal that so much time can pass, that someone can be missing from your life for so long. It's hard to explain the loss of someone who I didn't really know, it's not something I really grasp. I do feel it more keenly since becoming a mother. The loss of a child, an infant, is particularly tragic when you have children of your own. I wish I had a video of him, professional pictures of our day with him. Pictures of the funeral, the burial. It sounds so morbid, but I wish that was something I had known I would want. I don't have much I can share about him, but I can share the eulogy I wrote for his funeral.

12 January 2000

Dear Max,

You came as a surprise, a little unexpected miracle. I remember the joy and giddiness all of us felt to learn that we had been blessed with another rug-rat, another identical face to add to the pack.

It was so much fun to imagine what you would be like. Odds were in favor of another lefty like Tony; another thumb-sucker like Mary; another accident prone kid like PJ; a big heart like Beth's; Becca's work ethic; an angel face like Lucy's; charisma like Molly's; the innocence of Margaret; the music and wisdom of your Father; the love, patience, and understanding of your Mother; and sorry Max, but a temper like mine. It's no wonder that God decided he wanted you back.

Max, there are so many things that you will never do in this world. You will never know the feel of the sun on your face or the feel of the grass between your toes. You will never know the pain of a scraped knee, the heat of a fire, or the cold briskness of a Wisconsin winter. You will never bury your face in the fur of our kitties and come up sneezing from the allergies that all of us have. You will never have to eat chop suey, and we all envy you that. You will never suffer through your first stitches, your first day of school, and your first crush. You will never know the magic of falling in love.

But Max, you have something that all of us want. You will wake up every morning to the songs of the angels. You will spend your days in the arms of the saints before us. You will dine at Christ's table. And as you lay your head to rest on a pillow of clouds among the stars, your Heavenly Mother will kiss you goodnight.

So Max, until we reach our final destination and meet the angel who God could not part with, your brothers and sisters are going to make you a promise. We will live everyday like it is no other, experiencing everything for you. We will live each day so that we might tell you about it later. Everything that we do you will also do. Our days will be yours, and not a moment will pass without us knowing that we are giving part of it to you. Through us you will know this world. You're in for a heck of a ride Max, you had better spend a lot of time with St. Michael.

Meanwhile Max, you watch out for us and keep your sparkling blue eyes on your big sisters and brothers. We all know that our parents are the most wonderful guides for our earthly journey, but it is also comforting to know that someplace up above someone pure and wonderful and innocent will be guiding us like no one ever could.

We love you Maximilian.

16 Random Things About Me

2008-12-22T16:46:00.011-06:00

1. My first crush was Chad Allen. I also loved Corey Haim and Paul Moliter of the Milwaukee Brewers.

2. I've been arrested for shoplifting and sort of detained by the police for B&E. (Wow, as an adult that sounds just horrible. I can not believe I lived a life of crime.)

3. At my college the thing to do when turning 21 was to do 21 shots. I did them. I also puked so hard it may have damaged my brain. The very next day was my Dad's surprise 50th birthday party and the "Shot Tally" marks up and down my arms in permanent marker had not come off. My mother had a small stroke and insisted I wear a sweater. I got drunk and showed everyone anyway. There were a few doctors there who were amazed I didn't die and appalled when I told them we all did this. In retrospect, those medical professionals weren't so dumb...

4. I still know most of the words to Lost In Your Eyes and Electric Youth from Debbie Gibson's Electric Youth album.

5. I love romance novels. Half naked English Lord circa 1850ish? I'm in.

6. I had a boyfriend in high school that I had no idea how to break up with, but I told all my younger sisters that I was going to do it. One night he came over and I was working up to ending things when my sister Molly yelled out the window, "I thought you broke up with him". Not exactly smooth, but it did the job.

7. I once ate a pot brownie in college having no idea that I would be high for like 24 hours after. I had to finish a summer session music class the next morning by presenting a term paper on Woodstock (no joke). Then I had to go into work. Luckily my job consisted of sitting at the Information Desk and occasionally answering the phone.

8. I'm the oldest of 10 kids.

9. I go tanning. I do it because sometimes I get a little depressed and need to feel warm. I don't do it to get tan and I don't look like Donatella Versace, but that's no excuse for possibly jeopardizing my health. I'm a total hypocrite because I tell everyone it's evil and not to be done, but... it makes me feel good.

10. I totally believe that there is a Demon who haunts back roads and highways. He attacks cars in the dark. Has a car behind you ever just kinda disappeared? The Demon got them. Some advice, it's better to be the lead car, unless you're smaller.

11. I love cooking and my dream is to go to The Culinary Institute of America or Le Cordon Blue in Paris.

12. I worked in the bakery at the Kohl's grocery store. I hated everything about it, especially the way it cramped my high school social life. Unbeknownst to my parents I quit. My dad was PISSED. He went to the store manager to get my job back, but couldn't because they had already hired someone else. He did get them to hire me back as a checker. That was not the end of my dad's meddling ways in the Employment Department.

13. The smell of ketchup makes me want to barf.

14. Speaking of barf, in grade school I was going to be Frosty the Snowman in our Christmas pageant. This was to be my debut as an Entertainer! I would be famous thereafter. Alas, the night before I got the flu. Puke everywhere. No amount of tears would convince my parents that I could go on with the show. A dream died that day.

15. This one is disgusting. I had a boyfriend in high school who went to the big public school in town. At his after-prom party they had those Sumo Wrestler costumes, the big inflatable ones. I laughed so hard in that costume that I wet my pants. No amount of Lysol sprayed in that thing could have eliminated the disgusting. I'm laughing at my shame.

16. My "Porn Star" name is either Sadie Taylor or Squeaky Fairview... I answer to both.

I Used to Love Winter

2008-12-11T22:08:00.005-06:00

I used to love winter. I love being cold and snuggling up with feather blankets, wearing down vests and cute sweaters, hot chocolate, wood fires and my birthday is in December, so what's not to love about winter?

Bring on the babies and winter now involves at least 20 minutes of dressing kids. Seriously, that's not even to go out and play in the snow, that's just to casually leave the house. Jackets, gloves, hats, boots.... they hate wearing all of that and now that my 2 year old has figured out how to unzip, I have to put his jacket on him at least twice before leaving the house. Not to mention that, without fail, he will strip his boots and socks off as soon as we get into the van. So I have to freeze my butt off redressing him. Every. Single. Time. And seriously, have you ever tried to get booted feet out of the little holes in the shopping cart seat? I have to put my purse down to wrench his little legs out while twisting his body... he cries every time and people always look at me like I'm abusing my child. So, yeah, I hate winter. What a pain in the ass.

My Potty Mouth...

2008-11-30T12:04:00.002-06:00

Makes the baby Jesus cry.

Baby Powder & Apple Juice

2008-11-24T23:28:00.008-06:00

So, newsflash, I'm the worst mom ever. I mean, I don't, like, neglect them, but... sometimes I need to sleep. And sometimes I can get away with a little extra time in bed in the morning if I supply granola bars and the Disney Channel.

(Holy Shit! Cool Runnings is on! See... this, right here? This is why I can't get my butt out of bed in the morning... Damn you TBS.)

Anyway, the other morning, they were content to play in the 2 year old's room while I lay in bed all warm and dreamy, when Champ comes flying in.

"Mom! Bear's playing with the baby powder!"

I got out of bed so fast that I got dizzy. Bear's entire room was covered in powder. I rounded the beasts up, supplied food and apple juice, turned on the TV and went up to clean up the mess. I'm vacuuming when I hear a strange noise, but I'm not the mom who breaks up fights, so I kinda ignore it until I hear a very distinct "Uh-oh". God, what now??

I go downstairs to find that Bear has climbed onto the kitchen counter, knocked a gallon of apple juice off the counter, picked up the container and dumped what was left of it onto an arm chair...

Good God, how is it that everything can spiral out of control so quickly? (And why am I surprised by this?)

Obviously, I'm LIVID that I've cleaned and mopped before I was even dressed, but how do you even punish a 2 year old for this? Seriously, they know that this is bad, but does a time out even cover it? Really?

So yeah, I kinda let it go. It was too early to even think about the naughty corner and, God help me, I needed to put on a bra. (What the fuck, is it to much to ask that the trouble start after I'm decently attired?!)

So yeah, I'm a terrible mother because the very next day what did I do? Turned on the TV, put the juice back in the fridge and got back into bed.

Bragging Rights

2008-11-18T13:14:00.005-06:00

So... I don't want to be that Mommy, you know the one who's child is magnificent and gifted and can do everything better than yours, buuuutttt... My 2 year old said "Douche Bag" today! I know! He's sooo smart.

I mean it's not the alphabet or counting (which he actually can do, a little), but I think "Douche Bag" is a little advanced for a toddler. It's no "stupid-head" or "butt-face", "Douche Bag" is an adult level insult. Listen to all the cool kids. It's what everyone is saying.

So my little guy may not be reading or pissing glitter, but he can cuss your kid out!

(Ha! I win!)

Quotey-Quotey

2008-11-15T17:54:00.004-06:00

"Mom, you forgot your strap on."

-Champ to me as I was trying something on in a changing room. That was the last time he'll ever see me disrobe.

I'm Tired

2008-10-29T12:39:00.006-05:00

I'm tired of talking and asking and shouting and yelling and not having a single person hear me. I'm a person, this isn't in my head, I'm talking, but why aren't you hearing me? Why do I need to ask over and over and over? Why do I have to yell? Why does it have to get to a place where I am so overcome with frustration that I want to cry? Is it so hard to just hear me and do what I ask? I'm a person, listen to me and validate that I'm actually here.

I'm so tired of not getting any help. Every time I turn around another mess is made. I can spend 20 minutes cleaning one area to find another area completely trashed. All I do, all day long, is pick things up, put things away. Does anyone even acknowledge that I've done anything? I'm a person, I'm here and I'm the one that keeps this place looking decent. I'm the one making your meals, cleaning your clothing, taking you places, buying you the things you need. It's not just "what I do" it's what I care about, but that doesn't make it easy. Just thank me. Or help me. Please, I'm a person and these are real things.

I'm so tired of no one taking care of me. I have needs too. Physical needs, emotional needs. Everyone needs someone to take care of something, and I'm feeling like all I do is give... till every little bit of myself is going to be gone.

I'm so tired of people who are emotional parasites. Taking too much, not understanding or caring about anyone else. Leaving you waiting. Monopolizing your time. Not truly considering you, just out to achieve their satisfaction. People who take everything from you, from gifts to a stick of gum and never, ever offering anything in return. People who don't see you as a person, don't listen, don't help, don't care.

I'm just tired of it.

Book Review

2008-10-26T22:07:00.008-05:00

"The Lost Memoirs of Jane Austen" by Syrie James

From Amazon.com: Many rumors abound about a mysterious gentleman said to be the love of Jane's life—finally, the truth may have been found. . . .

What if, hidden in an old attic chest, Jane Austen's memoirs were discovered after hundreds of years? What if those pages revealed the untold story of a life-changing love affair? That's the premise behind this spellbinding novel, which delves into the secrets of Jane Austen's life, giving us untold insights into her mind and heart.

Jane Austen has given up her writing when, on a fateful trip to Lyme, she meets the well-read and charming Mr. Ashford, a man who is her equal in intellect and temperament. Inspired by the people and places around her, and encouraged by his faith in her, Jane begins revising Sense and Sensibility, a book she began years earlier, hoping to be published at last.

Deft and witty, written in a style that echoes Austen's own, this unforgettable novel offers a delightfully possible scenario for the inspiration behind this beloved author's romantic tales. It's a remarkable book, irresistible to anyone who loves Jane Austen—and to anyone who loves a great story.

The plot of James' novel is a dazzling combination of Sense & Sensibility and Pride & Prejudice. James' novel is not only rife with allusions to Austen's work, but it suggests to the reader that her works were based on her life experiences. Falling in love at first sight with Mr. Ashford, and being thwarted by fate is the basis of Austen's novel Sense & Sensibility. This novel also has many of the characters and distinguishing landmarks of Pride & Prejudice. James further sets the stage for Austen's other works, referencing the matchmaking in Emma and the popularity of novels in Northanger Abbey. James nimbly captures the very essence of Austen's writing and breadth of her works, and flawlessly makes it her own.

Jane Austen veraciously studied people, realizing that the smallest details bring a character to life. This humanity and passion is what makes each of Austen's characters so special. James accomplished this very thing with the characterization of Austen. She is portrayed as thoughtful, passionate, intelligent and romantic. Everything that a fan would desire her to be. Giving, but not selfless. Saucy, but not derisive. Austen herself becomes the quintessential romantic heroine.

James also achieves much through the setting of this work. A Jane Austen fan will recognize the description of Chawton Cottage as being similar to the Dashwood's cottage in Sense & Sensibility. Many of Austen's travels echo those of Elizabeth's in Pride & Prejudice. James has clearly done her homework, making the reader acutely aware of the early 1800's lifestyle, manner and language.

I have always been a fan of Jane Austen. I have set of her works in hardcover that are treasured. Pride & Prejudice is my favorite, I've read it many times. I don't know a woman who isn't in love with everything that Mr. Darcy & Elizabeth represent. The latest movie adaption of Pride & Prejudice is outstanding, and one that I could watch over and over. This book, The Lost Memoirs of Jane Austen, is almost akin to introducing one to Jane herself. The author achieves her purpose in these Memoirs, so well, in fact, that I'm still a little shocked that it's not real, and that Austen didn't write this herself.

Best TV Line EVER

2008-10-24T23:16:00.003-05:00

"If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for."

Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl "Chuck in Real Life" (10.20.08)

Holy Hottie!!

2008-10-18T11:49:00.004-05:00

I just bought Men's Health magazine because Gerard Butler is on the cover. I think that man is smoking hot. I would do things to him that make me blush just thinking about them... *pant*

Okay, focus! What the hell?? Am I 13?? What kind of 30 year old woman buys Men's Health because of a movie star?! Am I that woman? Oh my god, I am.

Hmmm... okay, look at him. Yummy. I'm okay with being that woman if it means looking at him. Yow-za!!

Good Ideas

2008-10-14T22:08:00.004-05:00

I think I'm going to institute Naked Weekends. Maybe that'll help get me out from under this mountain of laundry. Plus, it sounds kinda awesome.

Music

2008-10-13T21:17:00.012-05:00

I've added a playlist (below) for your listening pleasure. Yes, I know, I'm too kind. You're welcome.

Music is one of my favorite things in life. It means a great deal to me. Music invokes so many memories and feelings. I love hearing a song that I haven't heard in a long time. A song like Natalie Merchant's "Cowboy Romance" makes me think of a high school trip I took to Montana that involved merry-go-rounds and a distant thunderstorms. Not something I think of often, but her voice brings it all back in the blink of an eye. Dave Matthew's Band reminds me of college and Santana... oh Santana! His "Supernatural" album makes me think of being in love. And the song "Put Your Lights On" by Santana & Everlast is one that makes me want to do unspeakable things to a man...

Music is important in my life because I was surrounded by it growing up. My father loved classical music, and whether we liked or not, it's what we listened to every car ride. My mom was into the classic doo-whop oldies, Nat King Cole & The Righteous Brothers. Riding in the van with her was a lot more fun, and one song that will always remind me of driving up our old street while my mom swerved the van through puddles is "Down in the Boondocks".

Isn't it wonderful when a movie is set to awesome music? Some of my favorite soundtracks are from Love Actually, The Cutting Edge and City of Angels. A lot of TV shows now are known for their music, like Grey's Anatomy. I would love that to be my job...

So please enjoy the music I have provided below. Chances are the song you're listening to is one that, in some small way, touches my heart.

Chinese Zodiac - Snake

2008-10-11T20:40:00.009-05:00

Personality

Occupying the 6th position in the Chinese Zodiac, the Snake symbolizes such character traits as intelligence, gracefulness and materialism. When it comes to decision-making, Snakes are extremely analytical and as a result, they don’t jump into situations. They are effective at getting the things they want, even if it means they have to scheme and plot along the way.

Snakes are very materialistic creatures, preferring to surround themselves with the finest that life has to offer. This is especially evident in the home, where luxurious furnishings and surroundings help Snakes seek the peace they need in order to thrive.

Health

Snakes prefer living a life of calmness, preferring quietness over noise and a manageable workload rather than a schedule that’s overly-booked. Snakes become easily stressed when their lives aren’t peaceful or in order. Too much of this way of life can shorten a snake’s life.

Career

Snakes do work very hard, but they have a tendency to be job-hoppers as they become easily bored. Their somewhat laid-back attitude causes them to be mistakenly categorized as slackers, but nothing could be further from the truth! Snakes are very creative and extremely diligent. They’re excellent problem-solvers and thrive under tight deadlines. Good career choices for Snakes include: scientist, analyst, investigator, painter, potter, jeweler, astrologer, magician, dietician, and sociologist.

Relationships

Snakes are excellent seducers so they never have trouble attracting others. However, they’ll be the ones to decide when a relationship has potential and when it does not. Once they’ve chosen a partner, a Snake’s insecure side will begin to show through. Snakes guards their chosen partners much like a prized possessions, becoming jealous and even obsessive. Snakes prefer to keep their feelings to themselves. It’s important to never betray a Snake’s trust as a betrayed snake will make it a goal to get even some day!

Snakes & the 5 Elements

Fire Snake - Years 1917 and 1977

Fire Snakes are more extroverted, forever offering opinions and telling others what’s on their minds. Even so, others enjoy listening to Fire Snakes. They’re very persuasive and are especially good at convincing others that their ways are best.

Compatibility

The Snake is compatible with a Rooster and an Ox and incompatible with a Pig and a Monkey.

Book Review

2008-10-11T16:14:00.007-05:00

"Mr. Cavendish, I Presume" by Julia Quinn

From the back cover: "Amelia Willoughby has been engaged to the Duke of Wyndham for as long as she can remember. Literally. A mere six months old when the contracts were signed, she has spent the rest of her life waiting. And waiting. And waiting . . . for Thomas Cavendish, the oh-so-lofty duke, to finally get around to marrying her. But as she watches him from afar, she has a sneaking suspicion that he never thinks about her at all . . .

It's true. He doesn't. Thomas rather likes having a fiancée—all the better to keep the husband-hunters at bay—and he does intend to marry her . . . eventually. But just when he begins to realize that his bride might be something more than convenient, Thomas's world is rocked by the arrival of his long-lost cousin, who may or may not be the true Duke of Wyndham. And if Thomas is not the duke, then he's not engaged to Amelia. Which is the cruelest joke of all, because this arrogant and illustrious duke has made the mistake of falling in love . . . with his own fiancée!"

This is the second of two novels featuring the Two Dukes of Wyndham. The first was clever, passionate, funny, and charming, and I was really looking forward to this follow-up. Unfortunately, I did not enjoy reading "the other side of the story". I had been hoping for a novel about what happens to Thomas and Amelia AFTER Thomas loses his title, but instead got a recycled book that followed the same story line as the first, complete with identical dialog. Because of this "re-telling" it lacked the excitement and charm of the first.

Amelia was a wonderfully thought out heroine, who deserved her own book. She was smart and a bit wicked, but she played off of Thomas, who was stiff and dull, and who's sense of duty seemingly squashed all the life out of him. Quinn's characters typically are consumed with passion for one another, but these two were stifled in that aspect. There was little romance between them. It wasn't until the 80 or so pages that these two really came together and it just felt like too little, too late.

All in all, a romantic story, but one that could easily have been included in her first book, "The Lost Duke of Wyndham".

Just a Few of My Favorite Things

2008-10-03T21:24:00.006-05:00

Just a Few of My Favorite Things*

Fireflies... I kinda miss them. We used to have a house that was backed by some state owned land. Our bedroom had a sliding glass door and we'd lay in bed and watch them. Now when I see them I'm a little sad for that life we had... Fireflies always make me a little nostalgic and wistful, but in a good way, and that's why I love them.

Van Morrison "At the Movies Soundtrack" is the album I can't stop listening to right now. It features lots of his greatest hits performed live, and a cover of "Comfortably Numb" with Roger Waters of Pink Floyd. OMG, wow! It's vocal perfection. I could drown myself in a bottle of wine listening to it over and over and over...

Boy Scouts... they sell the BEST cheese popcorn. Wait, what were you thinking? Pervert.

My Mercedes... yeah, I don't own it yet, but I will and it will be my FAVORITE thing.

Hosiery... Tights, leggings, fishnets, thigh highs, sexy black hose with that hot little line that runs up the back of the leg... yow-za! Sometimes I wish I were a call girl so I'd have an excuse to wear shit like that everyday.

I love having a pot of chili on the stove and just eating it all day. Cold weather can't come soon enough for me. As soon as the temperature dips into the 60's I'm making chili.

Tori Spelling & Dean McDermott. LOVE THEM! I want to be her best friend. Seriously, I think she would love me. She is so funny, and so real. My god, she grew up in a house with a gift wrapping room, and she is so normal. I think I'm going to invite her to Sundara with me. Would that be weird? And Dean is yummy.

I love smell of a just lit cigarette. I know, second hand smoke, blah blah blah. I'm disgusting, but I just love the smell. It reminds me of my Dad. Sometimes I you can catch a whiff of that smell when someone tosses a butt out of their car and it comes in through your car... Hmmm... I love it.

And, finally, http://www.gofugyourself.com/ is absolute perfection! I wish I were as cool as Heather & Jessica... they were on Gossip Girl. It doesn't get better than that!

I'll share more another time.. I need to focus on finishing this bottle of wine.

*That's from The Sound of Music, not Oprah (she sucks).

Got Gas?

2008-10-02T23:12:00.004-05:00

Would you drive all the way across town to get gas 8 cents cheaper a gallon? What about 5 cents? How about 2 cents?

I will. For any amount above. Nothing makes me more pissy than filling up at one gas station and then finding gas for even a penny cheaper down the road. Arrg!! Seriously, from the time my tank slips below the half full mark I'm scouting for the place I'll fill up. And I always fill up before making a road trip because I don't want to be forced to pay a higher price in another town.

Now really, does it matter? I mean, 8 cents a gallon for 16 gallons is only a little over a dollar. My husband likes to point out to me that I'm not even saving that much money. Shit, I probably have a $1.28 in spare change in my car. But saving is NOT the point. Why pay one penny more than I have to? And you can't take gas back, you can't get a refund. Not like ANY OTHER IDENTICAL PRODUCT SOLD OTHER PLACES. Am I wrong? It's all the same, right?

Does anyone else get it?

5 Things That Drive Me BONKERS!

2008-09-26T21:33:00.005-05:00

1. Redundancy. Ie: "2:00AM in the morning". AM means Ante Meridiem, which is Latin for "before noon", duh. One or the other, people!

2. Dogs. Yeah, I know, I'm pure evil. Ug, I mean, everything about dogs SUCKS. Seriously, these animals will eat their own shit, used tampons, diapers… anything!! They are foul, drooly and useless. Personally, I'm waiting for my own dog to die. It has a life expectancy of 10 years, and thank the Lord, we're about half way. PETA probably just put out a hit on me.

3. "Kewl" and other phonetically spelled words. People who use words like this should be beaten with a sock full of nickels. Morons.

4. People who expect me to remember stupid details about their lives. Um, I'm drunk douche bag, I don't remember what day it is.

5. When my husband drinks my wine. Listen, I don't have much anymore. Ask a Mom what she has that's just for her. It may take her awhile to think of something. I do have a small stash of candy because sometimes this girl needs chocolate, but really… I don't have much. It's all been hijacked by my children. Even the bathroom, but you don't need to know about that. Recently I bought I gate for my bedroom door because I just couldn't take one more day of my drawers ransacked, the clothes pulled out of my closet, and my things touched and moved around. But I digress, my wine. I love my wine. It's my favorite. I spend a lot of time in the liquor store (while my kids are out in the running car eating Smarties) picking just the right kind. I look forward to opening each of them. And it just depressing that my husband, who just doesn't care about the smell or the taste (ICE CUBES IN RED!!), guzzles it like it's beer. I just hate it.

Lay Off Me, I'm Starving!!*

2008-08-24T22:06:00.012-05:00

My husband and I went to a concert in Milwaukee last night. Counting Crows and Maroon 5, in case you were wondering. The show was okay, Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows is kind of douchey. I think if I were as depressed as he is I'd shoot myself. But this is not about the quality of the concert... this is about the food, or rather, the lack there of.

If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that I take food very seriously. As long as I'm well fed, I'm fine, we can do whatever you want. But last night things went horribly wrong.

I suppose things wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't been promised my favorite pizza after the concert. To be fair, maybe I wasn't promised the pizza, but if it's mentioned, you can guarantee I'm going to expect it. But it was 11pm by the time we left the show, the drive was over an hour, and we had 2 sleepy babysitters at our house that we didn't want to take advantage of (they are our ONLY babysitters, we lose them and I'll be more depressed than Adam Duritz).

So, we're on the freeway and I'm pouting. My husband is completely oblivious. Until he asks me if I'm okay.

"I'm fine," Ah, passive-aggressive standard, you never fail me.

"Are you mad we didn't stop for pizza?" Duh.

"No, but I'm really hungry and it's making me crabby. I mean, I haven't eaten all day."

Oh, I didn't mention the Anticipation-Fast?? Yeah, when I'm really looking forward to one particular meal, I have a hard time eating anything else. You'd think that I'd be really skinny, but I'm like a bear who gains weight and burns off her store of excess weight in the tough times. Listen, I'm not claiming to be a paragon of good health. Seriously, my alcohol & chocolate consumption alone is enough to cripple the weak.

"Well, I wish you would've mentioned that," says my husband, sounding contrite. "Do you want to stop for something?"

"No," was my answer, but what I wanted to say was "Are you kidding me? You promised me my favorite pizza, cruelly ripped that away, and instead you're offering me a skanky sammich or a bag of chips from BP?! Do you NOT know me? I mean, we've been together for over 7 years. I've been pregnant twice. Hasn't it SET IN that I LOVE FOOD? Don't you know me well enough to understand that food is my number 1 priority, aside from maybe drinking, and speaking of drinking, I wouldn't have had 3 of those icky wine cooler thingies had I known I wouldn't be eating?! My god... What the fuck is going on here?!" But I'm bigger that that, and I kept my mouth shut because even in my hunger induced temper, I knew it wasn't really his fault. We did need to get home

So, I didn't eat last night. Oh, and something else you should know, I hold a grudge.

*Bonus points if you get the reference to Chris Farley.

Informal Poll

2008-08-20T13:41:00.005-05:00

Informal Poll: Is it GOOD or BAD that the guy who works at the liquor store in my little town knows what I like to drink (wine) and is so bewildered when I purchase something else (beer) that he actually feels compelled to ask me about it? Is it bad that I felt I needed to explain myself to him?? I'm not off the wine, I need this beer for a party... I promise I'll be back for more wine. Don't hate me...

Anyway, have you missed me? I haven't been posting because I've been dealing with some issues. Well, more issues than usual. It's kinda one of those things that just takes over your life, you know? It really stifled my thoughts and I just couldn't think of anything else to blog about, and I certainly couldn't blog about THAT. Maybe you're curious now, but it's a moot point. I'm over it. Sorta.

But I'm back, bitches! Yeah!!

My Funny Champ

2008-07-26T22:20:00.011-05:00

I'm back in love with my eldest son. Anyone with children understands that you go through phases with your kids. This is not to say that I didn't love Champ (don't be absurd), I just wasn't into him, so much. The Terrible 2's had stretched long into his 3's (I'm told this is common), and we butted heads on everything. But lately, we've really turned things around. Champ still has his moments (and I'm sure I do too), but things are getting so much better.

One of the things that I love about Champ right now is his obsession with turning 4. His birthday cake, his balloons, the presents, the things he'll be able to do when he's big... and to Champ, 4 is big. I'm scared he'll be disappointed that his world hasn't magically changed on the morning of his 4th birthday. Some one has very high expectations, and this Mom is scared she won't be able to do it all.

I'm also really loving his infatuation with babies, specifically his baby cousin, Boof. He talks about "my cousin" all day long. He's even started telling people that he's having a baby very soon. People always look at me like "Reeeally?" with a sly little smile. I had to take matters into my own hands, and when I saw these little baby dolls at Target for only $3, I had to get one for each of the boys. And let me tell you it was the best thing I ever did. Champ LOVES this doll in a way I couldn't have envisioned. He shushed me when his baby doll, Danny, was sleeping. He wrapped Danny up in his special blankie (his blankie is, by the way, a girl and called Baby). Champ is very sweet and gentle, and what mother wouldn't fall in love with that?

And baby-doll Danny, brings me to my next favorite thing about Champ, and that is all the funny little things he has to say. This afternoon while we were watching Cinderella (for the 5th time this week... he just loves Gus the mouse), he looked over at me and said, "Mommy, can we talk about this baby I'm growing in my belly?" I hadn't noticed, but he had put baby-doll Danny under his shirt. Seriously, it was everything I could do not to laugh at him, because he was very serious. Can we talk about it? Why, of course we can!

So, I guess Champ is back on my list of favorite things, and I'm sure I'll have plenty more funny little things about him to share... unless turning 4 is as difficult as I'm told it will be.

I Like Alcohol

2008-07-18T19:30:00.012-05:00

Obviously, I was in a bad mood today. (See "32 Hours Without Internet" for reasons why.) And really had no patience, particularly for my nearly 4 year old son's "baby talk".

"Teddy Grahams," he whined/cooed.

"What? I don't understand you when you talk like that." Even thought I did (it's a Mom thing).

"Teddy Grahams," he repeated, a little less whiny.

"Why are you saying that?" Suspicious.

"That just means I like them." He looks at me sweetly. I know he wants them, but it's 9am and even though I'm in crisis-mode, I'm not giving him a snack 45 minutes after he's had breakfast. And he knows it too.

"Well, I like alcohol," I mutter as I turn and walk up the stairs.

Behind me I hear, "Alcohol?" in that sickeningly cooey/whiny baby voice.

32 Hours Without Internet

2008-07-18T17:42:00.015-05:00

So I log on Thursday morning ready for an exciting day of Internet fun! Wednesday night I posted adorable pictures of my boys on my Facebook page and knew there would be lots of fun comments about them, an email about my nephew's surgery, and not to mention how much pleasure I get from chatting with my friends. Alas, my service provider had different plans for me.

At first, I was just a little panicky. Why isn't this working, what's happening, what do I do? But then I was okay... I called Charter, and listened to the automated message telling me they knew there were problems in my area. Content that someone was on top of this, I distracted myself with taking care of my children (maybe I should re-examine my priorities?), and getting ready for our day. But then I had to look again. I called Charter again, listening to the same message... I bargained with myself that I could wait till the afternoon. I shut my computer down. I felt a moments sadness that I wasn't able to say good morning to this other part of my world, but knew that after lunch and during nap time I would be able to bliss out in front of the screen. The wait would be worth it.

When the Internet wasn't working after lunch I became agitated. I called Charter again, lying to the woman on the phone that I did a little work from home because who else panics like this when they can't look at Facebook, for Christ's sake?! Turns out they're upgrading the system or some BS like that, and I won't be able to get online until after 9 PM! Good God, take me now! Despite being told the Internet would be out all day, I kept checking obsessively all the while wondering if anyone would really notice I was gone? I thought about being online while reading, I thought about being online during my Pilate's class, I thought about being online while eating... it was consuming my every waking moment. Eventually I had to try to fall asleep without the sweet relief of seeing or communicating with any of my friends. I had dreams about my computer.

When the morning arrived and there was no change, I was in full-on freak-out mode. I was rude with Sharon from Charter. Sharon insisted the problem wasn't theirs, it must be the router. I was pleading and near tears with the Linksys dude, who was gentle but firm when he told me the problem wasn't theirs. And I was full-on SOBBING to my husband when I pulled him out of a meeting to relay that I still couldn't get online, and no one could help me (besides a licensed psychiatrist). During all of this, my children were barely fed and wondering what was wrong with Mommy.

My Internet dependency was out of my hands... I knew the only way out of this was to get help. My husband, my rock, would save me. Never mind his job, he understood that if I didn't get help immediately, lives would be in mortal peril. Communication with Charter was now in his hands.

I couldn't be near my computer, yet it called to me like a siren... I left the house. We drove aimlessly, part of me on the look out for other Internet sources, until I realized my children needed food. We ate, I didn't taste anything. It was like all my senses had shut off, my mind could only think of one thing... Facebook, IM, email... it ran through my head like a mantra. I talked to my husband who had finally found someone to help me, and it was fixed. I went home, disbelieving, but with a glimmer of hope. Of course it didn't work.

I texted my husband, "the people at Charter are motherf*ckers." I told my sister and my friend that "I was getting a gun and killing everyone in Charter's office " It was ugly. I cried. I bargained with God. My husband came home early, my white knight. Another call to Charter, more system restarts...

And now, at long last, I'm back on my crack!

I Heart Facebook

2008-07-16T19:39:00.010-05:00

Facebook. Totally obsessed with it. I've had the opportunity to reconnect with so many people from all different stages of my life. Like, I found a girl that I last saw in the fifth grade! Facebook has helped me rekindle relationships with girlfriends from college that I hadn't seen or spoken with in years. Now we try to get together every month or so. But probably most interestingly, Facebook brought a boy back into my life who still makes me gooey inside... sigh.

What is it about those crushes that never go away? Like those celebrities we loved as kids, and whom we still defend. (Corey Haim, I'm talking about you... your drug problem wasn't your fault! It's the industry! It's Feldman's fault, he left you behind! You're still a cutie to me... even if you're a little skanky & puffy.) Anyway, why are there some people we just can't shake?

I think it's a combination of chemistry & romanticism. You can't deny chemistry. Either you have it or you don't, and when you do, look out because a breeze could make you go weak in the knees in lust with that person. And of course, romance. I mean seriously, if you couldn't make it work when you were seeing each other, lord knows it wouldn't work with all the miles, years & baggage you have between you. But romance makes you dream about it and wonder.

So right now, I'm doing a little wondering, but know in my heart that like all crushes, this one will undoubtedly fade away. Sigh... But I'll always have Facebook!

Good Times

2008-07-16T00:03:00.007-05:00

My husband and I went out tonight... and for the record, I don't get out much. Therefore I've completely lost my ability to socialize. Now if we're being honest, and I always am, I'm tons of fun, but not everyone likes my fun. I'm opinionated and a little bit in your face, and after 2 glasses of wine, I'll totally let you know about my "drinking problem". Which is sorta hypothetical, but to a room full of drunk people, that's hilarious! Kind of what I'm all about... not exactly good for my husbands "career", but thankfully, he loves me anyway...

First Time

2008-07-13T15:49:00.009-05:00

So, I've recently started reading blogs, and figured that I can do this too. But, you know, I may not have a lot to say. Not to mention it seems that you have to have a certain amount of willingness to let other people (STRANGERS) into your life. And anyone that knows me knows I NEVER talk to strangers.

I don't know why. I don't think I'm socially awkward. I think I'm entertaining and funny and fun to talk to (especially after I've had a drink or two). So maybe for me to talk to strangers I need to be drinking... hmm. I suppose a light white wine in the morning wouldn't be too harsh, but then knowing my ability to get drunk in the blink of an eye, I'd never be able to leave my home. Drunk driving a minivan with 2 kids strapped (or maybe not, I would-hypothetically-be drunk) in back is not cool.

I have a friend, M, who makes friends everywhere she goes. In fact, one of my best friends, K, is a result of M's talent. I had my doubts when M told me they met at a hardware store, but K is great, and our kids love each other. Funny, because now I kinda don't like M so much anymore...

But I digress... and look where it got me! I'm sharing with strangers. Who am I kidding? No one will read this.