I'm Tired

I'm tired of talking and asking and shouting and yelling and not having a single person hear me. I'm a person, this isn't in my head, I'm talking, but why aren't you hearing me? Why do I need to ask over and over and over? Why do I have to yell? Why does it have to get to a place where I am so overcome with frustration that I want to cry? Is it so hard to just hear me and do what I ask? I'm a person, listen to me and validate that I'm actually here.

I'm so tired of not getting any help. Every time I turn around another mess is made. I can spend 20 minutes cleaning one area to find another area completely trashed. All I do, all day long, is pick things up, put things away. Does anyone even acknowledge that I've done anything? I'm a person, I'm here and I'm the one that keeps this place looking decent. I'm the one making your meals, cleaning your clothing, taking you places, buying you the things you need. It's not just "what I do" it's what I care about, but that doesn't make it easy. Just thank me. Or help me. Please, I'm a person and these are real things.

I'm so tired of no one taking care of me. I have needs too. Physical needs, emotional needs. Everyone needs someone to take care of something, and I'm feeling like all I do is give... till every little bit of myself is going to be gone.

I'm so tired of people who are emotional parasites. Taking too much, not understanding or caring about anyone else. Leaving you waiting. Monopolizing your time. Not truly considering you, just out to achieve their satisfaction. People who take everything from you, from gifts to a stick of gum and never, ever offering anything in return. People who don't see you as a person, don't listen, don't help, don't care.

I'm just tired of it.

Book Review

"The Lost Memoirs of Jane Austen" by Syrie James

From Amazon.com: Many rumors abound about a mysterious gentleman said to be the love of Jane's life—finally, the truth may have been found. . . .

What if, hidden in an old attic chest, Jane Austen's memoirs were discovered after hundreds of years? What if those pages revealed the untold story of a life-changing love affair? That's the premise behind this spellbinding novel, which delves into the secrets of Jane Austen's life, giving us untold insights into her mind and heart.

Jane Austen has given up her writing when, on a fateful trip to Lyme, she meets the well-read and charming Mr. Ashford, a man who is her equal in intellect and temperament. Inspired by the people and places around her, and encouraged by his faith in her, Jane begins revising Sense and Sensibility, a book she began years earlier, hoping to be published at last.

Deft and witty, written in a style that echoes Austen's own, this unforgettable novel offers a delightfully possible scenario for the inspiration behind this beloved author's romantic tales. It's a remarkable book, irresistible to anyone who loves Jane Austen—and to anyone who loves a great story.


The plot of James' novel is a dazzling combination of Sense & Sensibility and Pride & Prejudice. James' novel is not only rife with allusions to Austen's work, but it suggests to the reader that her works were based on her life experiences. Falling in love at first sight with Mr. Ashford, and being thwarted by fate is the basis of Austen's novel Sense & Sensibility. This novel also has many of the characters and distinguishing landmarks of Pride & Prejudice. James further sets the stage for Austen's other works, referencing the matchmaking in Emma and the popularity of novels in Northanger Abbey. James nimbly captures the very essence of Austen's writing and breadth of her works, and flawlessly makes it her own.

Jane Austen veraciously studied people, realizing that the smallest details bring a character to life. This humanity and passion is what makes each of Austen's characters so special. James accomplished this very thing with the characterization of Austen. She is portrayed as thoughtful, passionate, intelligent and romantic. Everything that a fan would desire her to be. Giving, but not selfless. Saucy, but not derisive. Austen herself becomes the quintessential romantic heroine.

James also achieves much through the setting of this work. A Jane Austen fan will recognize the description of Chawton Cottage as being similar to the Dashwood's cottage in Sense & Sensibility. Many of Austen's travels echo those of Elizabeth's in Pride & Prejudice. James has clearly done her homework, making the reader acutely aware of the early 1800's lifestyle, manner and language.

I have always been a fan of Jane Austen. I have set of her works in hardcover that are treasured. Pride & Prejudice is my favorite, I've read it many times. I don't know a woman who isn't in love with everything that Mr. Darcy & Elizabeth represent. The latest movie adaption of Pride & Prejudice is outstanding, and one that I could watch over and over. This book, The Lost Memoirs of Jane Austen, is almost akin to introducing one to Jane herself. The author achieves her purpose in these Memoirs, so well, in fact, that I'm still a little shocked that it's not real, and that Austen didn't write this herself.

Best TV Line EVER

"If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for."

Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl "Chuck in Real Life" (10.20.08)

Holy Hottie!!

I just bought Men's Health magazine because Gerard Butler is on the cover. I think that man is smoking hot. I would do things to him that make me blush just thinking about them... *pant*

Okay, focus! What the hell?? Am I 13?? What kind of 30 year old woman buys Men's Health because of a movie star?! Am I that woman? Oh my god, I am.

Hmmm... okay, look at him. Yummy. I'm okay with being that woman if it means looking at him. Yow-za!!

Good Ideas

I think I'm going to institute Naked Weekends. Maybe that'll help get me out from under this mountain of laundry. Plus, it sounds kinda awesome.

Music

I've added a playlist (below) for your listening pleasure. Yes, I know, I'm too kind. You're welcome.

Music is one of my favorite things in life. It means a great deal to me. Music invokes so many memories and feelings. I love hearing a song that I haven't heard in a long time. A song like Natalie Merchant's "Cowboy Romance" makes me think of a high school trip I took to Montana that involved merry-go-rounds and a distant thunderstorms. Not something I think of often, but her voice brings it all back in the blink of an eye. Dave Matthew's Band reminds me of college and Santana... oh Santana! His "Supernatural" album makes me think of being in love. And the song "Put Your Lights On" by Santana & Everlast is one that makes me want to do unspeakable things to a man...

Music is important in my life because I was surrounded by it growing up. My father loved classical music, and whether we liked or not, it's what we listened to every car ride. My mom was into the classic doo-whop oldies, Nat King Cole & The Righteous Brothers. Riding in the van with her was a lot more fun, and one song that will always remind me of driving up our old street while my mom swerved the van through puddles is "Down in the Boondocks".

Isn't it wonderful when a movie is set to awesome music? Some of my favorite soundtracks are from Love Actually, The Cutting Edge and City of Angels. A lot of TV shows now are known for their music, like Grey's Anatomy. I would love that to be my job...

So please enjoy the music I have provided below. Chances are the song you're listening to is one that, in some small way, touches my heart.

Chinese Zodiac - Snake

Personality

Occupying the 6th position in the Chinese Zodiac, the Snake symbolizes such character traits as intelligence, gracefulness and materialism. When it comes to decision-making, Snakes are extremely analytical and as a result, they don’t jump into situations. They are effective at getting the things they want, even if it means they have to scheme and plot along the way.

Snakes are very materialistic creatures, preferring to surround themselves with the finest that life has to offer. This is especially evident in the home, where luxurious furnishings and surroundings help Snakes seek the peace they need in order to thrive.

Health

Snakes prefer living a life of calmness, preferring quietness over noise and a manageable workload rather than a schedule that’s overly-booked. Snakes become easily stressed when their lives aren’t peaceful or in order. Too much of this way of life can shorten a snake’s life.

Career

Snakes do work very hard, but they have a tendency to be job-hoppers as they become easily bored. Their somewhat laid-back attitude causes them to be mistakenly categorized as slackers, but nothing could be further from the truth! Snakes are very creative and extremely diligent. They’re excellent problem-solvers and thrive under tight deadlines. Good career choices for Snakes include: scientist, analyst, investigator, painter, potter, jeweler, astrologer, magician, dietician, and sociologist.

Relationships

Snakes are excellent seducers so they never have trouble attracting others. However, they’ll be the ones to decide when a relationship has potential and when it does not. Once they’ve chosen a partner, a Snake’s insecure side will begin to show through. Snakes guards their chosen partners much like a prized possessions, becoming jealous and even obsessive. Snakes prefer to keep their feelings to themselves. It’s important to never betray a Snake’s trust as a betrayed snake will make it a goal to get even some day!

Snakes & the 5 Elements

Fire Snake - Years 1917 and 1977

Fire Snakes are more extroverted, forever offering opinions and telling others what’s on their minds. Even so, others enjoy listening to Fire Snakes. They’re very persuasive and are especially good at convincing others that their ways are best.

Compatibility

The Snake is compatible with a Rooster and an Ox and incompatible with a Pig and a Monkey.

Book Review

"Mr. Cavendish, I Presume" by Julia Quinn

From the back cover: "Amelia Willoughby has been engaged to the Duke of Wyndham for as long as she can remember. Literally. A mere six months old when the contracts were signed, she has spent the rest of her life waiting. And waiting. And waiting . . . for Thomas Cavendish, the oh-so-lofty duke, to finally get around to marrying her. But as she watches him from afar, she has a sneaking suspicion that he never thinks about her at all . . .

It's true. He doesn't. Thomas rather likes having a fiancée—all the better to keep the husband-hunters at bay—and he does intend to marry her . . . eventually. But just when he begins to realize that his bride might be something more than convenient, Thomas's world is rocked by the arrival of his long-lost cousin, who may or may not be the true Duke of Wyndham. And if Thomas is not the duke, then he's not engaged to Amelia. Which is the cruelest joke of all, because this arrogant and illustrious duke has made the mistake of falling in love . . . with his own fiancée!"

This is the second of two novels featuring the Two Dukes of Wyndham. The first was clever, passionate, funny, and charming, and I was really looking forward to this follow-up. Unfortunately, I did not enjoy reading "the other side of the story". I had been hoping for a novel about what happens to Thomas and Amelia AFTER Thomas loses his title, but instead got a recycled book that followed the same story line as the first, complete with identical dialog. Because of this "re-telling" it lacked the excitement and charm of the first.

Amelia was a wonderfully thought out heroine, who deserved her own book. She was smart and a bit wicked, but she played off of Thomas, who was stiff and dull, and who's sense of duty seemingly squashed all the life out of him. Quinn's characters typically are consumed with passion for one another, but these two were stifled in that aspect. There was little romance between them. It wasn't until the 80 or so pages that these two really came together and it just felt like too little, too late.

All in all, a romantic story, but one that could easily have been included in her first book, "The Lost Duke of Wyndham".

Just a Few of My Favorite Things

Just a Few of My Favorite Things*

Fireflies... I kinda miss them. We used to have a house that was backed by some state owned land. Our bedroom had a sliding glass door and we'd lay in bed and watch them. Now when I see them I'm a little sad for that life we had... Fireflies always make me a little nostalgic and wistful, but in a good way, and that's why I love them.

Van Morrison "At the Movies Soundtrack" is the album I can't stop listening to right now. It features lots of his greatest hits performed live, and a cover of "Comfortably Numb" with Roger Waters of Pink Floyd. OMG, wow! It's vocal perfection. I could drown myself in a bottle of wine listening to it over and over and over...

Boy Scouts... they sell the BEST cheese popcorn. Wait, what were you thinking? Pervert.

My Mercedes... yeah, I don't own it yet, but I will and it will be my FAVORITE thing.

Hosiery... Tights, leggings, fishnets, thigh highs, sexy black hose with that hot little line that runs up the back of the leg... yow-za! Sometimes I wish I were a call girl so I'd have an excuse to wear shit like that everyday.

I love having a pot of chili on the stove and just eating it all day. Cold weather can't come soon enough for me. As soon as the temperature dips into the 60's I'm making chili.

Tori Spelling & Dean McDermott. LOVE THEM! I want to be her best friend. Seriously, I think she would love me. She is so funny, and so real. My god, she grew up in a house with a gift wrapping room, and she is so normal. I think I'm going to invite her to Sundara with me. Would that be weird? And Dean is yummy.

I love smell of a just lit cigarette. I know, second hand smoke, blah blah blah. I'm disgusting, but I just love the smell. It reminds me of my Dad. Sometimes I you can catch a whiff of that smell when someone tosses a butt out of their car and it comes in through your car... Hmmm... I love it.

And, finally, http://www.gofugyourself.com/ is absolute perfection! I wish I were as cool as Heather & Jessica... they were on Gossip Girl. It doesn't get better than that!

I'll share more another time.. I need to focus on finishing this bottle of wine.


*That's from The Sound of Music, not Oprah (she sucks).

Got Gas?

Would you drive all the way across town to get gas 8 cents cheaper a gallon? What about 5 cents? How about 2 cents?

I will. For any amount above. Nothing makes me more pissy than filling up at one gas station and then finding gas for even a penny cheaper down the road. Arrg!! Seriously, from the time my tank slips below the half full mark I'm scouting for the place I'll fill up. And I always fill up before making a road trip because I don't want to be forced to pay a higher price in another town.

Now really, does it matter? I mean, 8 cents a gallon for 16 gallons is only a little over a dollar. My husband likes to point out to me that I'm not even saving that much money. Shit, I probably have a $1.28 in spare change in my car. But saving is NOT the point. Why pay one penny more than I have to? And you can't take gas back, you can't get a refund. Not like ANY OTHER IDENTICAL PRODUCT SOLD OTHER PLACES. Am I wrong? It's all the same, right?

Does anyone else get it?